Model Idiot

I sit here and I bleed. It’s a long story, let me explain.

Anyway, what happened in band you ask? Well, I was walking out my door
to go to band when Adam yells, “Hey, where you going dude?” I’m going to
band, Adam. He get belligerent.
“Fine! Go to band!” I start walking down the hall, but he continues to
antagonize me. I turn back to him, and still I walk on down the hall, but
backwards, to yell something angry and hurtful. Instead….

…Carl rushes me from Jeff’s room off to my left. It jolts me but
I recover and knock him out. Well, Jeff, as backup for Carl, I suppose,
tosses his hackeysack at me. Of course he misses but I manage to secure
the item and I take off down the hall….

…to Carl’s room. I run in, “What can I take?” There is nothing
to fit inside my pockets for the walk to and from band. What do I take?
Then I spied it – a can of chili! I grab it in a pilfering lust and take
to the streets below. I soon begin to slow, though, because….

…band is 35 blocks from campus. As I get to the hospital, I get
bored, and I pull out Jeff’s hackeysack. I toss it from hand to hand with
the ease of baseball great, but I decide to get more athletic. I toss it
up high into the air. I watch it soar, and remember that I got a 1 out of
3 for catching when I was in Kindergarten. The hackeysack sails itself
right into….

…the medical waste dumpster. Shouldn’t those things be locked,
and not wide open like that? I might complain to someone. I pull the hackeysack
out, remove the needle, and decide it might be safer to put it away. It’s
Jeff’s, you know, and I don’t want to give him any diseases by virtue of
my inability to catch. So, I pull out the chili can as….

…I walk into the parking lot. For some reason it didn’t occur
to me that tossing a chili can from hand to hand was a bad idea in a parking
lot. I toss it from hand to hand with the glee only kittens enjoy. And
then, on one fateful toss, the can travels from my right hand right into….

…the President of DSU. Tunheim, himself, get it right in the face.
There was blood everywhere, especially on him and the chili can, and I felt
immediately panicked. I bent over to help him up. I said, “President Tunheim,
are you okay? That can of chili came out of nowhere.”….

…I don’t know if he replied to me or not. I do know that he hit
he a lot harder than that stupid can hit him. I got to band, but couldn’t
play because my teeth kept coming out and I dripping blood like baby seal.
I guess this all just goes to show: don’t steal stuff!