I had never before considered it. Could they really have a plan? Could they really have some sort of grand scheme that we are all merely pegs in? (I know I know – don’t end a sentence with a preposition!) I may have stumbled onto something that will, more than likely, end in some sort of apocolyptic Male VS Female battle for the world, but let’s hope it doesn’t. I can’t hit a girl.
Let me explain.
Those of you live in Madison, I won’t tell you so don’t ask me. Those of you who don’t, send me an email and maybe I’ll drop a hint. And plus, I’m probably making this up. But, as of lately, I’ve become frustrated with this vixen, and have taken to IM counseling. A friend of mine, whom I trust because she doesn’t live around here, came online. Since we’ve discussed girl/guy problems before, I asked her for advice. P.S. She lives in Israel – the country.
Mellon Collie: why
did you try anything?
rauschpax: Well, okay. I go online, make myself totally available and she
doesn’t talk to me. She always makes me talk first. I’m getting sick of it.
Mellon Collie: oh, thats what Elad used to do with me
He would say he doesn’t notice when people come on line
rauschpax: Did that strategy work?
Mellon Collie: well, I hate him now and we haven’t spoken in two months
Dead end already! What was I to do. My tried and true method of “wait it out, suckah” had just gone down in flames by a member of the sex I was trying to seduce. Ayelet, the girl I’m talking to in this conversation, told me to go online, and wait. Right. That’ll work. She asks for more info on the story. I give her a quick summation of the specs. This is what she has to say.
girls have… ok this is going to sound stupid so I’ll just say that girls have ways to know if someone likes them or not
rauschpax: Yeah. Girls are so damn sneaky. Guys are obtuse. I know that I’m sending massive signals, and I can’t stop it.
Mellon Collie: what sygnals?
gearls are pretty sneaky. I mean…. god if guys knew how much of the stuff that happens around them is actually planned out and thought through and set up, they wouldn’t believe it!!!!
rauschpax: I’d believe it. I’m paranoid. I read into everything.
Mellon Collie: most guys aren’t like that.
they’re dumb as hell.
want to hear what me and my friend planned out for Alon?
rauschpax: Those signals that girls pick up. We send them by looking at you too much in a group conversation, by going out of our way to say hi, by offering to help you with things.
rauschpax: Sure – lay it on me.
Mellon Collie: ok. So he lives where my best friend does. And he’s really into music and stuff. So on friday I’m sleeping over at her house.
And I’ll be like (ok, well, I already did this) “Hey Alon! I want a Led Zeppelin cd! I’m sleeping at Naama’s house on friday so maybe you can give it to me”
and he said “so you’re coming over to my house?” (fell right for it!!!)
So I was like…. “hmmm…. depends if I’m getting the cd or not”. So it sounds like I’m doing him a favor
Then, on friday, Naama and I go to his house, but about half an hour later, her boyfriend calls her and says she just hasss to come over becuase he has something really important to tel her.
So she’ll act all uncomfortable and ask if it’s ok to go.
and he’ll say yes
and thats it
Holy cow! I had no idea! When did girls get to be masters of the universe and suddenly decide to run our lives behind our back?! I needed time to think about this, so I went to class (novel idea, I know). When I got back, Ayelet was still online. And someone else was, too.
Mellon Collie: say hi
rauschpax: Thanks alot.
rauschpax: She’s away now.
Mellon Collie: sorry
did you talk to her?
rauschpax: No, I didn’t.
Mellon Collie: oh well, her loss
she’ll be back though
rauschpax: She’s offline.
Mellon Collie: oh oh no
don’t be sad
rauschpax: I’m not sad. I’m ignoring her, right? Or wait. I’m saying hi when she’s not away. Right? I’m confused.
Mellon Collie: you say hi when sh’es not away
but not immediatley when she gets on
wait for a few minutes
rauschpax: How many? 5? 10?
Mellon Collie: 7
rauschpax: Good medium.
rauschpax: Ok. 7 minutes – I say ‘hi.’ Then what?
Mellon Collie: yeah
why are you so nervous?
does she not like you at all?
Mellon Collie: whats up?
rauschpax: I don’t know. I know she like me as a friend.
Mellon Collie: thats good! and you talk to her not on line as well right?
So, there I was. My grand answer is – be online, and wait seven minutes, then say “Hi.” THAT’S supposed to score me this girl? It was about this time that it hit me – I’m taking relationship advice from a 16 year old girl in Israel.
Should I take her advice or not? Post your comments and let me know what to do.