X2 Spoiler (Part I)

In the footsteps of so many of my relatives before me, I have decided to uphold a tradition that Rausch’s (and probably Miles’, too) have enjoy for years and years. This tradition is that of ruining a good movie for everyone who hasn’t seen it by divulging all of the pertinent themes, phrases, plot twists, and effects.

Do Not Continue If You Want To Be Surprised By X2 : XMen United

The movie started about the same way as the first. Can we say, “fill time with CGI”? There’s a nifty voice over that says something like “We’re freaks, this is our story.” I think it was Jean Grey, but maybe not. It could have been Storm.

Zoom Out to some lady talking about this retarded Lincoln picture in the White House. Hmm, Lincoln freed the slaves from the slavery. Does this parallel the story we are seeing?? Uh, yes. We are seeing the White House because, dun dun dunnn, there is a “spooky character” walking around with a tail.

Shoot ’em boys, but it’s too late. He’s really good and not being shot and manages to incapacitate all of the secret service men. The really really cool battle ends in the oval office where Nightcrawler is about to skewer the president with a knife, but he doesn’t. He gets shot and teleports out of there. He drops the blade which has a “Mutants Forever” or some such saying on it.

Then we see Wolverine who has clawed his way up to Canada. There’s a big dam and some weird wolf that leads him through this base. He then goes back to the school. Rogue and Frosty are about to kiss when she realizes that she could suck the bloody life out of him if she got too carried away, so they just laugh awkwardly at each other.

Oh, Wolverine’s back. Everyone loves Wolverine. He meets the boyfriend. *eek* Then he sees Jean. Can we say sexual tension. Then he sees Cyclops. *eek* “Your bike needs gas” Toss keys. “Then fill her up” Toss back. Come on guys, try to get along, please!

We are now introduce to a new character : Stryker. Yeah, the same one as in Airplane. Maybe not. But he tells the president that the Mutants must be stopped, yada yada yada. Of course this is terrible. Ok, so I’m blanking. Then, uh, Stryker goes to see Magneto in the ultra cool, plastic, transparent prison. Stryker drips some stuff onto his neck and then Magneto is unable to control himself.

Oh, no.

At this time, Storm and Jean Grey go to find the mutant who tried to kill Mr. Prez and they head to where he lives. Xavior and Cyclops go to visit Magneto to ask HIM about the assasination attempt (to see if he did or if he knows anything about it). Just at the juiciest part of the dramatic hot dog, things go wrong. As Xavior discovers that Magneto told Stryker the details of Cerebro (alllllll the details) gas begins to fill the chamber. Cyclops (in the out chamber) is attacked by some petty humans, but then Lady Deathstrike takes him out.

Cut to Wolverine having a nightmare about his stupid past. He gets up. This kid is blinking through the channels. He never sleeps. FrostBite is up, too. They chat as Stryker and his militia walk in. Holy bullet holes! Many of the kids escape by special, secret tunnels. Leave it to the principle actors (Rogue, IceMan, and Pyro) to get caught up behind the rest. There is a showdown where Stryker hints that Wolverine should know him a LOT better, but SnowBall puts an end to it. They escape and head to Boston.

Meanwhile, Storm and Jean trick manage to capture Nightcrawler who has a German accent and appears to be Roman Catholic (and a bit of a fanatic). He has body carvings for every sin. Yeah, glad I’m not a member of that congregation. They get in the plane and take off.

[abbreviated from this point on]

The kids and Wolverine have since been travelling to Boston where SnowBell’s parents live. Oh, no, he didn’t tell them he’s a freak. This may be awkward. Dr. X is being held in a base somewhere up North (hallowed Canada?) and has a device on his head that makes him wince whenever he glares.

Enter a key piece in the puzzle. His name is James. He’s Stryker’s son who is, dudah!, a mutant. He’s an illusionist. Turns out that Stryker thinks that being a mutant is a “problem to be solved” and Xavior couldn’t save his son. So, he turned his son into a weapon. (The son has a blue and brown eye. Very mutany.)

Cut to the quaint house in Boston. IceBall has changed clothes, (since it’s his house) and Rogue looks on at the picures that dot his walls. Downstairs, Pyro looks less than consumed with Jealousy. Oh, wait, he doesn’t. Perhaps a forboding??

| More Later !|

Author: Miles Rausch

I’ve made a smart playlist of all the songs with 0 plays. I listen to them because I feel bad for them not because I like the music. I’m THAT guy.

2 thoughts on “X2 Spoiler (Part I)”

  1. I didn’t read any of that, so I don’t know what it says, I’m just wondering, how did you find out about this? Or is the movie out. I have no idea. I guess I’m not a huge geek that’s in love with X-Men.

  2. :rolleyes:
    Okay, I’m slightly confused on whether or not you actually liked this movie, though your synopsis is fairly accurate up to this point. :w00t: I gotsta say, I loved it, and I hadna even seen the first one when I went last week. :angry: stupid, stupid! oh wait, I didna miss anything that my roomie couldna fill me in on.
    At any rate, good luck spoiling the ending, and could we have maybe some critical commentary to go with the sarcastic summary?

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