X2 Spoiler (Part II)

Then Frosty The Snowman hands Rogue some of his mom’s clothes, and they share a moment. Like, “Oh, man. I so want you. But I can’t cause you’ll kill me” sort of thing. Then they just go for it, death warnings be damned, and kiss. And then she does that “I can see my breathe” thing. Then they kiss again and she almost sucks his brain/life out through his gulliver.

Wolverine, however, has different tastes. He grabs himself a cold one and proceeds to get drunk. Just then the parents walk in. Talk about humour! They start to freak out because an overly muscular, surely man is drinking their beer and they don’t know him. Parents over reacte so much, don’t they?

Finally FreezeTag calms his parents down and explains to them. He tells them that he’s a mutant and that he has powers and that Wolverine is a professor at the school. “What do you teach?” “Art.” Oh, the laughs! Then he gets a call. That thing that he pulled out of the cool XCar (that looks like a dorky cell phone) is going nuts. It actually means that Storm is trying to talk to them.

Then the police show up. Oh, no! It looks like when the kid brother went upstairs to cry he called the police, too. Wolverine, sensing danger, unleashed his claws and stands on the porch. “Sir, drop the knives. Drop the knives!” “I can’t.” Things are getting a little heated, so Wolverine retracts his claws *schink!* and CopA shoots him in the head. He drops like last quarter profits for Enron.

Pryo, whom we suspected of being less than on stable ground, loses it. “You know those dangerous mutants you hear of on the news? Well, I’m the most dangerous.” *sizzle* He destroys cop vehicle after vehicle and toasts a couple cops, too. Everyone starts firing. He’s really giving mutants a bad name. Rogue grabs his bare calf and uses his powers to suck the fire up. Then the jet comes in. They all climb aboard and hoard it for home.

Meanwhile, one of the guys who works Magneto’s cage is sitting at a bar. On the television we see a report of what had happened in Boston. “Turn that off,” he says. “Why? Does it bother you?” Enter the only unbelievable part of the movie. This guy is fat, kinda disgusting and alone. What made him think that super-model/actress Rebecca Ramen-Almost would want to have a drink with him? She gets him into the bathroom (where all the parents cover their children’s eyes), but she knocks him out and fills him full of lead instead. I mean that last part literally.

Cut to the secret base. Here we see Xavior in (what appears to be) the splender of Mutant Mansion (or whatever it’s called) but *dun dun dunn* IT’S NOT! It’s an illusion thanks to Jason Stryker. He decides to make himself look like a little girl (with freaky eyes) in this illusion. Weird, huh? Mutany indeed. We now realize that the plan is to walk Xavior through the steps that he would use in the School. Stryker’s son is making it look like it’s just a regular day back home. The vision comes and goes (and it makes a cool effect) but he does a good job of overpowering Professor X’s psychokenetic abilities.

Back to the prison, the guard brings Magneto his food. He walks down the long plastic bridge to the room and sets down the tray. Magneto smells something in the air. “There’s something different about you today.” And he lifts the man up while still standing 5ft away. “Too much iron in your blood…” And he sucks it out of the guy so it forms three ball bearings. The guy is dead, and Magneto demolishes his chamber with the three balls. They wizz around him smashing everything.

The guards panick and begin to pull the plastic bridge away. Oh, no! How is Magneto going to get across?? Use the ball bearings. Flatten them out to disc size and float yourself over there. Hell, you can use the other two balls to kill everyone in your way. It looks like he’s free, folks.

The jet is in the air and so is the US Air Force. They are charged with the duty of “taking that plane down.” The X-Crowd gasp. What will they do? The planes are on either side of the jet and ask them to land now. They won’t; they just keep flying. The planes back off. “The planes are backing off,” they think with relief. It would be relieving except that they’re backing off to launch missles. Storm gets an brainstorm… oh, man that was bad. She creates her own tornado alley. One of the planes goes down. The other holds tight. She lets the tornadoes up and the jet fires it’s two missles before the pilot ejects.

The missles race closer and closer to the flying vessel. They try to shake it. Storm cannot out manuever the weapon. Jean sits still and concentrates really hard. Then her eyes catch fire and one of the missles explodes. I love Jean. I really do. She concentrates hard on the second one, but she can’t hold it off. It explodes inches from the plane and Rogue gets sucked out. Nightcrawler disappears in a puff of black smoke and reappears in midair, next to Rogue. He grabs her, disappears again (with her), and reappears in the plane. The plane, however is going down. The earth is rushing up and then they stop. With his hand up and a smirk on his face, there stands Magneto.