Look, Mom, teal. There is lots of new stuff with this page. For one, the left, top, and right boxes will follow you wherever you go – from page to page. They are watching you always.
The other major change was the “comment” link. It now says “comments” instead of the confusing thought bubble and vague, cryptic number along side. It now pops up. Go figure, I liked that better all along.
The site looks coolest in Mozilla or some such Gecko browser, but IE does just fine on this one. No tricky HTML this time – it all worked just fine right away.
The other major change is not on the site, but in my life. I’m getting married. Yeah, right. Not this bachelor. I’m single and swinging until I die alone and in tears.
No – I have a cell phone. The number is :
I have some other big news. I’m pregnant. Yeah, right. Not this male. I’m unpregnant and unbitchy until I die alone and in tears.
No – I am renting a house in Madison. The address is:
Madison, SD 57042
Let me tell you about it.
It’s a quaint, college house on North Harth Avenue in Madison. The graceful, well-kept lawns of the Dakota State sway nary a block from my doorstep. The first thing you may notice about the house is the siding. This sleek, durable, yellow siding covers 50% of the house.
It’s a warning of things to come.
Step inside, please (around the disintegrating fire hydrant of cement). The doorbell doesn’t work, so you can quit pushing it. The front door leads you to our living room. You can tell because there are no chairs, a huge ass stereo/dvd/TV system, and three couches of different sizes, colors, and smells. There are also computers, who are harvesting our body’s energy to complete their evil deeds.
The first door to your right is Brandon’s room. No one is allowed in, though Heather and I broke into it and took some pictures. A brief glimpse at the sports car he keeps there is enough to realize that Brandon, or Fish, is the “Rich Kid” of the house.
The second door on your right leads to the bathroom. And there’s a door in there that leads to the toilet room. The toilet room is about the size of an airplane bathroom stall, except with no overhead lights or a sink. There is however a magazine rack (take that Iceland Air) and a toilet paper dispenser (take that Vermont) and holes in the wall where the light was hanging until Lacey managed to destroy it in her drunken rage. She could have waited until she had actually had something to drink.
The bathroom has a nice border of Mickey Mouse going across the top. Unfortunatly, not much of it has survived and there seems to be only one complete panel of Mickey giving us a thumbs up and smiling (like he knows what it is we do in the bathroom). The shower feels more like someone’s spitting on you than I’d care for, but I’ll live with it.
Journey back into the main room, and past the miniture christmas tree, and into our kitchen. We have a kitchen table, a fridge, a stove, a microwave, and some food. We usually make Jeff cook (and he does a real good job), but when Jeff’s gone, we have frozen pizzas that I usually don’t burn. Off to the left is Carl’s room (right off the Kitchen, Carl? Are you planning on getting the munchies??) which isn’t insulated. So, come winter, Carl will be his own little blueman group. Solo. With no instruments.
From here we can go upstairs or downstairs. Let’s go upstairs first. We go up the stairs (imported from Holland or what? These are carpetted ladders) to where Jeff and I sleep IN SEPERATE BEDS. I’m way by the window, and Jeff’s way by the stairs. The upstairs room is large. It spans the living room downstairs, minus the diversions into Brandon’s and the bathroom. I have yet to put my stuff away, but I have a lot of ideas. I guess I’m waiting to get my computer up there, so I feel whole. I need her. I love her.
There are three hidden rooms upstairs. Two of them go to Hell and one is the “You Didn’t Pay Your Rent” room. Collin will be staying there when he comes. I’m sure it’s comfy when you kill all the mice. Muhahaha.
In the basement, the creepiest room of all, there is a couch and a toilet. This used to be a party house. Now all that remain are their alcohol stained furniture. The basement is cement until you get to the backroom. It’s this earthen area where we found the coffin (!). Well, it looked like a coffin until we got close. Who would store a cabinet on it’s back in the basement in the earthen part? Retards who wanted to scare the crap out of me, that’s who. I hate retards.
Some odd things about the house are the large amounts of coax and the different types of carpet. There is coax shooting out of practically every wall in the house. There is even a line coming out of the house and ending on the line. You know, cause that makes sense. That line, by the way, is dead. The carpet seemed to be a grabbag sale. Get 10 different types of carpet for the price of one. There are something like 9 different types of carpet for 7 different rooms. Tell me how that figures. Maybe they got the carpet with the coax.
Despite it’s eccentric nature, I love the house. It’s hard being away from home for so long, but I long to be independant – to rid myself of the strings attached. The only way I can do that, though, is to kill all you mothen-flakers and eat your bodies.