It’s been two years since tragedy rocked the world. For many people, the horror still lives with them. It follows them through everything they do and everyone they meet and nothing but the most unexpected happiness can unrock their world.
I’m talking about George Harrison’s death. It’s been since December 1st, 2001, that he passed away from complications due to gunshot wounds he sustained while raiding a Hindu palace as a dare by Ringo Star, a former bandmate of his.
George has had a lot to think about in those two years. He was in purgatory, because he did drugs. If not for the wonderful music he made, he’d be where John is. Instead, as a measure of precaution, whenever someone graduates purgatory, they are made to interview with God, who questions them on their life. The following is an entrance interview between God and George Harrison.
God : [getting up to shake his hand] Welcome George. How are you?
GH : [shrugs] I have to admit it’s getting better… [quietly : I hate Paul so much]
God : [laughs] I hope you don’t answer all my questions with Beatles lyrics. How was your stay in Purgatory?
GH : It wasn’t bad. It wasn’t great, but it could have been worse. It was “so-so”.
God : Yeah, I get that a lot. Let’s see. It says here that you were in the Beatles. Is that a band or something?
GH : Yes, it was. A lot of people loved our music and still do.
God : I’m sure. Oh, right. The Beatles! [sings] Can’t buy me loooooove. I know that John wrote great songs, and I know that Paul wrote great songs, but What did YOU do?
GH : Well, I played solo guitar for pretty much all the tracks. I sang, backup mostly, and I wrote a couple of our hits, too.
God : What songs?
GH : Taxman.
God : Never heard it.
GH : Here Comes The Sun.
God : Never heard it.
GH : While My Guitar Gently Weeps.
God : Never heard it, sounds stupid.
GH : Something.
God : Never – how’s that one go?
GH : [singing] Something in the way she moves…
God : Was that the one described by Frank Sinatra as the greatest love song of all time?
GH : Yes, I think so.
God : Oh, man. I HATE that song. It’s so whiny. I heard you wrote that to win you wife over, but Eric Clapton did a better job of writing a love song for her, and she left you. Is that true?
GH : [pauses] Yes.
God : Oooooooooooooooooo, burn!!
GH : [impatient] Yes, thanks for not rubbing it in.
God : Sorry. What kind of band are the Beatles?
GH : Rock and Roll.
God : [winces. makes checkmark on paper] Ouch.
GH : [quickly] But I was a big fan of sitar music.
God : Well, that’s a little better. I have a quote here, from an interview you gave VH1 in 1997 that was called “George Harrison & Ravi Shankar : Yin & Yang”, where you said, “I believe in the thing I read years ago, which I think was in the bible, it said, ‘knock and the door will be opened’, and itï¿½s true.”
GH : [pauses] And?
God : You THINK it was in the bible? What the Hades is going on with you people?? I give you a perfectly good guide book to Heaven and you THINK you remember half a sentence from it?
GH : Well-
God : No, I’m sick of this crap. If I didn’t promise No-Duh that I wouldn’t flood the world again… I’d flood the world again.
GH : [quietly] John said we were bigger than Jesus.
God : I know. He’s paying for it. Don’t worry. So, a planet was named after you.
GH : I heard that, too. It was named in 1984, I guess.
God : [quietly] Nothing gets named after ME. It says that you were attacked in your house.
GH : Yes. It happened in 1999. I was sitting with my wife talking about how little Paul has actually DONE as a musician, when an intruder came into the house and began stabbing me. I grabbed my sitar and managed to beat him sorry but not before he punctured one of my lungs.
God : Must be tough. I was crucified, you know.
GH : I know. I love you, God! I wrote a song, a good song, called “My Sweet Lord”, and it’s all about you.
God : It says here that you were involved in a lawsuit over that song for “subconscious plagurism”, is that true?
GH : [silence]
God : Gary, I’ve looked over the stretch of your life. I know all this stuff already. I’m God. I just do this to see if people give me straight answers, and you have. I deem you fit to enter heaven. Hey, do you think that you guys, the Beatles I mean, would ever do a concert up here?
GH : Sure. That would be fun, and we probably wouldn’t bicker as much.
God : come talk to me when Paul and Ringo die. I’ll see if I can’t get John a little vacation time.
GH : Where is John? Is he in Hell?
God : Well, kinda. Have you ever heard of South Dakota?