Guest Post (Expenses, aliens will hinder space travel)

by Bryce Rausch, my brother, who writes for the SMSU (formerly SSU) Spur.

Remember the moon? That scary planet that’s both made of cheese and has a man’s face in it? Well, as I recall, some people are still shocked that we ever decided to send people there in the first place. They could’ve been eaten. But as long as we beat them Russians, who cares! Well, we’re all lucky to have President Bush in the white house; he’s bringing us back and oh so much more.

Here’s President Sparky’s plan: he wants to send people to the moon no later than 2020, and then once we research just how humans react to such strenuous space travel we’ll shoot people to Mars. Yes folks, we are going to send people to “The Red Planet.” Why would people willingly want to go there? Just the sound of it seems painful. Mars seems like the universe’s “Time-Out Chair.”

Among the plethora of reasons people should be saying, “Whoa, George, you’re having a whack attack,” a great one is that one of the purposes of putting humans on Mars is to check for life. This reeks of disaster; can we say “Alien”, “Independence Day”, “Alf” or “Alien: Part Gazillion?”

Aliens are vicious creatures that have no sense of right or wrong or the Geneva Convention. Why would we want to risk the lives of astronauts just to see if we can get a leash around them and bring them to Earth?

I realize many people believe this announcement by Bush to be an attempt to win a few more votes. It may convince a few voters that the president is interested with enhancing our nation’s knowledge of one of the greatest mysteries of all time. Others believe he is finishing his father’s space campaign that was halted once Congress found out how much it would cost. Either way, I think Bush could be spending the money on something a little more important then going to a planet named after a candy bar.

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2 Replies to “Guest Post (Expenses, aliens will hinder space travel)”

  1. Just for the record I did explain to him that the moon is a satellite and that it should be White House…

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