Finals are coming up, papers you’ve successfully put off for a month have come up to bite you where you least expect it and you keep getting hit on by that annoying someone in your Intro to Tee-ball class. So what can you do to just escape those daily pressures?
For one girl from Minnesota, who will soon be a little more than grounded by her mommy and daddy, the obvious choice was to stage a kidnapping. Not just for some bloke on the street either, she kidnapped the person closest to her: herself.
Brilliant! What a flawless plan…that is if you can remember your own lie.
Wisconsin police reported a day after they found Audrey Seiler who was thirsty and cold in a marsh that her stories were inconsistent. Wisconsin: One, Seiler: Zero.
Seiler said she just wanted to be alone and I’m not so sure police will just say, “So the thousands of dollars spent trying to find you were wasted? Man, we got punk’d!”
I know what you’re saying, “Hey Bryce-dawg, I’m sick of the pressures of college, too, what can I do to be alone for a while? Do I have to kidnap myself or is it true that there are a plethora of options?”
Well, random student, that’s a great question. My advice is that you do NOT kidnap yourself. If Wisconsin is known for anything besides cheese it’s their elite police force; Minnesota is only known for Bob Dylan and having a lot of lakes. So if you stage yourself being kidnapped, you may never be found and will probably be eaten by coyotes.
My advice for you students needing to get away is to drive down to Nebraska; no one lives there so there will be plenty of alone time. If traveling is not your “cup of tea,” as they say in England, then you may just want to spend time in the library on a Friday night, where your chances of seeing anyone is about as good as Nick Nolte giving a key note speech at an AA meeting.