I Do Not Drink Caffeine Free Diet Sprite

That's Mountain Dew, Kids

Dear Mike Billeter:

This is me, drinking Mountain Dew. You are a lecherous skunk of a human being for insinuating that I drink CFDS.

Die in a fire.

P.S. Why are my glasses always so wonky? Maybe I should just get contacts.

Author: Miles Rausch

I've made a smart playlist of all the songs with 0 plays. I listen to them because I feel bad for them not because I like the music. I'm THAT guy.

13 thoughts on “I Do Not Drink Caffeine Free Diet Sprite”

  1. I don’t know what all this is about, but I drink CFDS!! Mountain Dew is the devil. The devil is doing that to your glasses. LOL

  2. First of all, you don’t drink Mountain Dew. You drink MTN DEW.

    Second of all, I’m fireproof.

    Second second of all, it’s not your glasses that are wonky. It’s your face. Maybe you should just get a new face.

    Fourth of all, I’m not lecherous and haven’t been for a few years now. I do, however, smell like a skunk sometimes. But by choice.

    Bottom line, I could grab a can off of my co-worker’s desk and claim that it’s what I “really drink” too. Instead, I stay honest with myself. Perhaps it would behoove you to do the same and simply admit that you are, have been, and always will be a vigorous evangelist for Caffeine Free Diet Sprite.

  3. Unless you sat on your glasses or had them in your shirtpocket while squeezing your wife, it’s not your face but may actually be your head.
    No joke. People’s ears are not always even.
    I do not want to say how I know this.
    Do not look too closely at pictures of me wearing glasses.

    1. I have heard that before. Also not in my favor is the fact that I stepped on my glasses a number of months back. Plus, my head might be a goofy shape.

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