You know your wife is perfect for you when she calls you at work to tell you that the Christmas present she got for you came a little damaged, and she wonders if she should rip the DVDs before she sends it back.
Of course, that’s illegal, so I told her “Absolutely not.” And I’m sticking to that.
You are not a nerd anymore. Never talk to me again.
You know he’s still sarcastic, right?
Neither of you talk to me.
“You’re wife”? Which one are you again?
No one knows what you’re talking about because I corrected that typo before you read the post.
The typo still shows up in my Google Reader. So I know what she’s talking about.
This coming from the guy who “rented” a TV from Wal-Mart for an evening. Sheesh!
I didn’t rent it. My brother did. I merely watched it.
He lies.
You know your wife is perfect for you when:
She digs the hole to hide the body
She helps scrape off the dead skin from your back
She helps draw up plans to kill a particular turtle that’s been running it’s mouth lately while home for the holidays
She allows herself to be forced into admitting her husband is funnier than Steve Martin (without crying)
She gives the greenlight to start your new home’s carpet on fire for nostalgia
She poisons me everyday just a little, to break in my kidneys
She makes you and your friend Tony cry on the golf course everytime
She keeps packing your stuff every morning with a note under your windshield saying, “I’m not kidding this time”
She “introduces” you to Glee, the Twilight series, American Idol, and other testosterone killers
I feel like you’re projecting a little bit.
I feel like you’re bored.
when your wife goes thru your phone, sees dirty sexts, and chases you with probably the same golf club that drew her to you in the first place, forcing you to crash your car while you’re drunk and on pills, which of course leads to like 20 chicks saying you “putted from the rough” with each of them (yeah right, right?!LOLOMG :P
Tiger gave a lot of women the ol’ “heave ho”.