Stealing My Shadow

Who really wants an excerpt when it’s benbrown!!
This is the whole conversation I had with the legend after I got his AIM
name from his mass mailing. I’m sure he regrets it. Read it at your own

I am going to do in a new direction with the site. I|m planning
on adding humour and prose to my site. So, many of the |stories| I|ll share
in the coming entries will be untrue and most likely be my very pained attempt at comedic writing.

But, since no one comes here anyway, what difference does it make
to you people?? I could post straight profanity – or nothing at all – or
the answer to life itself, and who would see but Jeff or maybe Collin?

Maybe I didn’t make that clear …

aim brandbenbrown

Session Start (AIM – rauschpax:brandbenbrown): Tue Oct 01 14:14:35 2002
rauschpax: Do you know who Ellen Feiss is?
brandbenbrown: yes.
brandbenbrown: I’m linked from the ellen feiss fan site.
rauschpax: You can blame her for “lazydesert7” and “rauschpax.”
rauschpax: It’s that site that led us to you.
brandbenbrown: haha.
brandbenbrown: Lovely.
rauschpax: I really enjoyed your show, by the way. My roommate (I’m in college) thought that I was looking at ManPorn, during your “fat jiggling” sequence.
rauschpax: And he told his mom over the phone.
brandbenbrown: hahah
rauschpax: So – I’ve had some explaining to do.
brandbenbrown: lovely.
brandbenbrown: :)
rauschpax: Yeah, I thought so.
rauschpax: I would like to say, for the record, that Jeff (lazydesert7) and I (Miles) are not usually stalkerish like this.
brandbenbrown: heh
brandbenbrown: Ok.
brandbenbrown: Noted.
rauschpax: There’s not a whole lot to do in South Dakota, so we are kinda obsessed with and
brandbenbrown: Wild.
brandbenbrown: Soon
brandbenbrown: you can be obsessed separetly
brandbenbrown: with
brandbenbrown: and
brandbenbrown: as
brandbenbrown: our merger has been denied.
brandbenbrown: (Link:
rauschpax: I read that. Damn SEC.
brandbenbrown: fucking bastards.
rauschpax: I bet with your web presence, you could shut them down.
rauschpax: A Jihad to your loyal followers.
brandbenbrown: No. that’s alright.
rauschpax: It could be big. How many followers do you have – that you’ve never met in person?
brandbenbrown: Plenty.
brandbenbrown: But no amount of followers is going to save my marriage
rauschpax: Do you want to talk about it, Ben?
brandbenbrown: No, not really
rauschpax: I didn’t think so. But being the caring, sensitive guy I am, I had to offer.
brandbenbrown: I appreciate it
brandbenbrown: I’m actually dealing with it my loading up suicidegirls on my new wap phone thinger
brandbenbrown: heh
rauschpax: As long as your dealing with it.
brandbenbrown: yup
brandbenbrown: heh
rauschpax: Are you at work right now or at home?
brandbenbrown: work
rauschpax: So you LIED on your Ben Brown Show website??? I can’t believe it! I trusted you.
brandbenbrown: Uh
brandbenbrown: That part of my site hasn’t been updated since February
rauschpax: That’s the problem with the internet. I’m always behind. February, huh? Well, … congrats on the job, then.
brandbenbrown: it’s the worst job ever
rauschpax: What do you do?
rauschpax: It can’t be too bad if they let you chat the whole time.
brandbenbrown: haha
brandbenbrown: not the whole time
rauschpax: Is this the editting job?
brandbenbrown: ha. no.
rauschpax: For Uber?
brandbenbrown: I wish.
rauschpax: Is it the “Words Words Words” job?
brandbenbrown: No. Just a job.
brandbenbrown: All that stuff I do in my spare time for no money. ;)
rauschpax: What a guy. You’re my hero.
rauschpax: I bet your job isn’t like my job.
brandbenbrown: I’ll bet it’s worse
rauschpax: For the summer, I worked for my dad. My dad does Cemetery Lettering. That means that when I went out with him, we’d travel for hours to some remote cemetery. We’d set up, and crouch over some guy’s grave, letting little bits of granite pelt us at 100 psi.
rauschpax: For 25 jobs a day.
brandbenbrown: oh god
brandbenbrown: Ok
brandbenbrown: that’s worse
brandbenbrown: but at least weird
brandbenbrown: so you can tell people at parties
brandbenbrown: and they go
brandbenbrown: Whoa.
brandbenbrown: brb
rauschpax: You get gloves and a mask to you don’t eat your eye lenses out, but if you forget long sleeves and pants, and wear a wife-beater and shorts…
brandbenbrown: jeez
rauschpax: So what do you do?
brandbenbrown: I do web stuff for a realestate company
rauschpax: That sounds *yawn* really interesting.
brandbenbrown: yeah
brandbenbrown: worst
brandbenbrown: job
brandbenbrown: ever
rauschpax: I’d like to do “webstuff” one day. What major did you have in college?
brandbenbrown: crative wreating
brandbenbrown: ewl;kjdlkfjs
brandbenbrown: EWHOS
brandbenbrown: salksjdf
brandbenbrown: creative writing
brandbenbrown: jesus
brandbenbrown: misplaced my hands on that one
rauschpax: We don’t have a creative writing major here. We hardly have a class for it.
brandbenbrown: that sucks
brandbenbrown: where are you?
rauschpax: How specific do you want that?
brandbenbrown: what school?
rauschpax: Dakota State University, in Madison, SD.
rauschpax: You know where that is?
brandbenbrown: nope
brandbenbrown: south dakota
brandbenbrown: somewhere up
brandbenbrown: there
brandbenbrown: somwhere
brandbenbrown: heh
rauschpax: Same time zone, 24 hours away.
brandbenbrown: as where?
rauschpax: Austin.
rauschpax: Right? And you’re in Austin, right.
brandbenbrown: oh
rauschpax: ?
brandbenbrown: 24 hours driving?
brandbenbrown: yeah
brandbenbrown: Austin
rauschpax: It was an exaggerationing.
rauschpax: But something like that.
brandbenbrown: yeah
brandbenbrown: its 10 hours to chicago from here
rauschpax: So, I guess 24 was a little off. I’m sorry.
brandbenbrown: YOU BASTARD
rauschpax: Who’s the goose? I’m the goose.
rauschpax: DSU is the “computer” school of South Dakota.
rauschpax: So my major is “Computer Science”
brandbenbrown: that sucks
brandbenbrown: i was a cs major for a hwile
brandbenbrown: ;)
rauschpax: Do you know C++, then?
brandbenbrown: yes
brandbenbrown: and perl
brandbenbrown: and c
brandbenbrown: and php
brandbenbrown: and a vb
brandbenbrown: and js
brandbenbrown: and a bunch of other stupid boring languages
rauschpax: Wow. That’s a lot of languages. Why did you change majors?
brandbenbrown: i hated cs
rauschpax: Why? Not a programmer guy?
rauschpax: See, I love languages. So, I love programming, writing, music, love – all those languages
. brandbenbrown: I’m a programmer
brandbenbrown: I hated being told to do things in a certain way
brandbenbrown: that I thought was wrong
rauschpax: What do you mean?
rauschpax: Am I about to be disillusioned?
brandbenbrown: wha?
rauschpax: What do you mean about the ways being wrong?
brandbenbrown: oh
brandbenbrown: right
brandbenbrown: well
brandbenbrown: I dunno
brandbenbrown: I was making liek $65k a year writing application
brandbenbrown: s
brandbenbrown: and they were telling me that I was programming in the wrong way
brandbenbrown: and I just thought that was bullshit
rauschpax: Did the programs work?
brandbenbrown: Sure.
brandbenbrown: nono
brandbenbrown: I’m just saying
brandbenbrown: their methods
brandbenbrown: were stupid to me
brandbenbrown: because they were going to lead me into jobs where I’d be doing nothing but like
brandbenbrown: patching OS code
brandbenbrown: instead of doing cool shit
brandbenbrown: so
brandbenbrown: I quit
rauschpax: Atta boy. I don’t think I could do that for a living, either.
rauschpax: Applications? Write your own application.
brandbenbrown: I do
brandbenbrown: ok
brandbenbrown: nevermind
rauschpax: See, and you don’t give yourself grief about how you write it, do you? Of course not.
rauschpax: That’d be wierd.
brandbenbrown: I don’t think you understand
brandbenbrown: anyways
brandbenbrown: i gotta work
brandbenbrown: so
brandbenbrown: later!
rauschpax: Bye:ee
Session Close (brandbenbrown): Tue Oct 01 16:42:09 2002

Dismal Nestity

It seems that every site nowadays, at least one like mine, has some sort of bloody wishlist to it. Why? No one will buy you anything if they are smart. I will have no wishlist ever on my site. Ever.

This weekend was fruitful in a “I slept until 2 in the morning on Saturday” way. But I did finish my english essay, my assembly language program, and I had some inspiration. I wrote a short play entitled “Old Man in the Park” in which a young man on stage is the voice of an old man in a park. I’m not sure if it’s good or bad, yet.

Today I found something short of eerie : Peanut Butter Jelly Time. It’s this wierd flash file. Hooooo man. Anyway, I found the guy who made it by complete accident (and I am too lazy to put his link in, because I have to find it again.)

The Past

Have you ever seen Magnolia? I saw it last night. Now that’s a good movie. I love movies with creative (albeit crack-driven) directors/writers. Jeff
and I started the movie at around 1100(?) or so and didn’t get done until
230 or so. But it was worth it. I want to see it again (right now, actually) but Jeff left for Sioux Falls. And Hafner left for Sioux Falls. So I’m all alone. Hoooo man.

What to do? I|ve been answering emails, listening to music, chatting off and on, and now I’m doing this. After so long of sitting, I get up and go over to my orange juice and magazine and read for a little bit. Then I walk back.

Now I’m exploring the Magnolia website. Hey. Have any of you ever heard of Ben Brown or Ani Moller? Ben Brown has a show. It’s pretty funny. Jeff and I discovered him while looking for Ellen Feiss iSwitch movies. She’s the |stoned| looking iSwitch flick. Check it out – I’m obsessed with her. I’m not sure what it is…


Today I was busy. I had to wake up on time (always a challenge), I had a test in Math (don|t ask), an Essay (rough draft) due in English (went fairly well), Band (Denielle went), created a new form of weed based on crackers (who wants a Krispy?), Student Senate meeting (boring, but long), and play rehearsal (I|m energetic now).

So, now that my day is winding down, I cannot think of what I should do.
There are so many things that I’d like to do that I’m frozen and cannot
act. So, I am going to Carl|s room to watch Star Trek (maybe one day I|ll be into it) and I’m going to have pretzel rods and mountain dew.

Have a great night.

Game Of Love

Hey Kids. Well, some big changes are coming to the site
– I’m looking into Movable Type (which will replace this). See, Movable
Type will let you, my faithful, post messages back to me. Then when I wax
or wane intellectually, you can wax or wane back.

Another improvement? How about being able to post your comments on the
art work? Right now, all that is in works is the ability to post your comments
on a written work, (maybe) programme, and (maybe) music. I’m working on
the pictures (it’s complicated – lay off, okay?!)

Anyway, for Movable Type I will again be depending on the God-like graces of jeff.
Thanks again, Jeff. Tonight I did no homework, but did spend some good quality
time with the wonderful ladies of Emery Hall. And then I forgot my mail
there. Great.

Cash In

Well, people, I went out tonight. I know that it is technically
the morning, and therefore this post is late, but I am still posting at 230 in the morning.

Tonight I had fun.

Glory Pillow

Who’s the goose? I’m the goose. The highlight of my
night was suggesting that for a MidTerm “Veg-Out”, one of the food provided
should be shrimp. Top vote getters were popcorn, pop, and candy. My next
guess would have been steak, but I think that would have gotten me voted
out of the dorm.

Did anyone watch the Cosby Show special on today? Fascinating stuff. I didn’t realize that the Cosby Show did so much to reawayken my inner african-american self. I owe a lot to that Dr.

Nothing else much happend today. Someone is going to buy the cool biohazard granite paperweight I made in exchange for a lot of episodes of popular TV shows, such as Futurama, Family Guy, and Spongebob Squarepants. Hooooo man.

Jeff just informed me that my dream of writing on this every day will soon become squashed and helpless. And I will writhe in pain.

Thanks, Jeff

Sullen for a Day

Somber was the mood today. Thank you jeff for putting a word to it. Quiet and pensive. I was that way until 430, then I just stopped thinking about her. Poof gone. I mean, I am so over her it is not even funny. Elise who? Exactly.

So, right, I am not thinking about her. And then I spend this whole entry
talking about her. No, stop. Other news in my life (I’m getting serious about this Pita) is that I am the webmaster of Zimm Hall website. I don’t yet have rights to the site (I email Dawn Gaffney about that), but I am positive that it should be a fun little project. Be sure to comment your code, kids!

I love this bold idea. I am going to do that more often.
I was also trying to replace all ” ‘ ” with ” | “, but psfff, like that
worked. I keep typing ” ‘ “‘s instead of ” | “‘s. Old habbits die hard.

I have high hopes – there are quite a few new people who might submit (to my awesome powers of persuasion)
and put something on the site. I, too, will shortly add some |nostalgia|
stuff and maybe some graphic artwork (depending on if I get any scanned.)

Crimes of Frustration

I won’t lie to you, I had a bad weekend. I had
to move into a new room, get little sleep (which makes me cranky), and become
“Just Friends” with my now-x-girlfriend.

I didn|t like this weekend. As I drove home, and the sun began to hide
its head, I noticed, subconsciously, the string of pearls coming towards
me, and past me. I realized that everyone had their lights on. People behind
me did, too. Everyone knew that they should have their lights on now, except
me. Did you ever feel that way?

Did you ever feel like everyone else knew what was going on
but you? Like everyone else was at the meeting and you missed it? I have
that feeling often. I feel like everyone else knows what to do, and they
won’t tell me, and I have to just figure it out. It frustrates me. I could
have cried at that moment. Instead, I turned on my lights and kept driving.

What about you? [ ]relate[ ] to me.

The Forgotten

This is for all those whom I have not an email address for:

My new address at school is:
Miles Rausch
391 NE 8th Street
Madison, SD 57042

605 256 5623

I tried to get the word out, though.

Something New Something New

How long has it been since you’ve been able to spy upon my beautiful webonic world? Too long, some say. Others say little to that effect, but despite all that it is still here.

Welcome to Awayken.Com. I have a whole lot of new here for you. It is my pleasure (and hopefully yours) to see the new [A]wayken[.]Com[ ]

Thank you for coming – come again.

This will be updated (in a perfect world) every week at least. Do not hold your breathe.


To those of you visiting the page right now, this may seem to be quite odd. The page has completely changed colors. What gives (you say to yourself)?

The page is changing!! I’ve learned some lessons from some other “[ ]Awayken[ ]”ish pages, and I’m putting those into practice. We’ll see what develops. This will be the only change for now.

New Direction

If I was forced to write a mission statement for this site, it would have been: A site designed as a haven for people who wish to share images, documents, programs, music, and ideas of all sorts. I’ve decided to change this slightly. It would now be: A site designed to challenge the average thinker into seeing beyond the box and allowing them to share ideas of all sorts for that purpose.

Let me know what you think.