December 2005


A Long Long Time Ago in a Galaxy Far Far Away there were two people talking to each other. In this casual conversation Star Wars came up.
“What!?” I said.
“You’ve never seen Star Wars!?” I said.
I don’t remember her reply, but I’m guessing it goes something like this.
“Nope. Never.”
Then I said something. “But. But you sayed ‘May the Force be with you’ to me when we were bowling. I thought you had seen the movies.”
I’m not sure those were my exact words and I’m also not sure of her answer but it was probably along the lines of “(LOL) I know, but I’ve never seen the movies.”

Karin Anderson, or Karin, as I like to call her, has been the sheltered friend I had the above conversation with. I mean, I know I’M a sheltered boy and I’ve been called that a lot by friends and family alike(especially in college), but not seeing Star Wars is like having diarrhea and holding it in. Why would you do that? It doesn’t make sense, your life would be so much better if you went to the bathroom just like it would be better having watched Star Wars.

Now, we’ve talked quite a bit about watching them sometime, but it never happened. Over time the list has grown to include other movies such as the Incredibles(my brothers and sisters can pretty much quote the movie), Runaway Jury, The Italian Job, Harry Potter 3, and others. It first started in HS, then we talked about it during summer, and the next thing you know, Bam! I’m in college. We talked about it some more later on when she came down to Madison and it was decided I’d call whenever I came back home. I did most of the time but it never worked out. Then came Christmas break.

Tuesday the 27th Karin, Chris Smith, Kelsey Watkins, and Tyler Rolfes were over at my house to watch Star Wars. Finally! The big debate beforehand was whether to start with the old ones(IV, V, VI) or start with the new ones(I, II, III) – Molly if your reading this, i’m sorry about the Roman Numerals cuz I know you have a tough time with them but don’t worry, I’ll explain it to you. IV-4 V-5, and VI-6. I-1, II-2, and III-3. There ya go.

Should we go with the newer ones with better graphics but bad acting and a terrible dialogue or go with the better acting better dialogued, but older Star Wars? My decision was to go with the oldies thinking that is how most people started out and then she’ll be suprised by things that would be ruined otherwise. Talking to Dan, he said to start with the newer ones and since I didn’t care and Karin didn’t care about which ones to watch first, I went with Dan’s definite answer.

That night we watched I and II. I don’t really care for either of them, but it was pretty fun watching them with everybody I thought. It turned out that Kelsey had never seen most of them either so she was in for the best time of her life. Karin actually ended up guessing a lot of the things right. She knew the Senator for Naboo was the Emporer in Star Wars I by the shape of his mouth. I was happy because she made fun of Jar Jar Binks. As a group, we found out that Jedi love to rape people. Anybody. Men, women, children. If somebody asks you if you want to see their lightsaber, say “No!” and run. It is not what you think it is. On the other hand, you might as well just say “Yes” to see their lightsaber cuz they are Jedi and you can’t run. You’re screwed. Sucks to be you.

We also discovered you can tell if a Jedi is bad or will be bad by the color of his cloak. If it is black then that person is going to be evil or is evil. Black is such a depressing color, no wonder they go bad. They prolly listen to downer music too.

Then on Wednesday Karin, Tyler, and I watched Runaway Jury which was extremely good. There were a ton of actors that I had seen before in it and a lot of actors I liked. I’ve never been a big fan of Gene Hackman for some reason but it’s not really his fault. You see, I think as a child I was scarred. When I was little I saw Hooser’s but I didn’t like it. So whenever I think about Gene Hackman I get the feeling of how I feel about Hooser’s. Every movie I’ve seen him in he does a fantastic job and I like him during the movie, but just seeing his name on a movie doesn’t really excite me. So if i see him in a movie, i like him, but if I just think about him or see his name in some commercial for a movie I don’t get the best feeling.

Then Kelsey and Chris came over and we watched Episode III. Kelsey left a bit before the end because she had to get home and Karin fell asleep partway through. She looked drained but somehow managed to stay awake for the rest of the movie. I was impressed.

All in all I think Karin is a new person now that she has seen the movies. I think she kind of suffered through them which I think built character which was what I was going for all along. She now knows about the force and the danger of lightsabers. Those things kill.And rape. Stay away from black robes. People who’s mouths look untrustworthy should be avoided because they are probably Sith Lords. Dwight. 129$.

It should also be noted during the movie I said, “Anikan can make a woman climax just by pointing at her and saying “Boo-ya!” HAHAHAHA! – i thought it was funny.

My first college break has finally befallen me and so far it is going mighty fine. So far I’ve done a lot of sleeping, saving the world(gaming), and other things.

Day 1 /Friday / – slept in until 3:30. As i walked up the steps from our basement to the kitchen, my sister walked in, back from her day at school. I was super suprised because I got 13 hours of sleep, the most in my life.

Day 2 / Saturday / – I slept in until about 2:30, so i got another 11 or 12 hours of sleep, another long length of sleep for me.

Day 3 / Sunday / – I got up at 8 in the morning to go to church. Afterwards my family headed over to Miles and Bryces house where we had brunch. After brunch we all went to my grandmas house where we watch football. Also, before the game, Miles, Bryce, and their sisters Molly and Brenna along with my brothers and sisters all took a picture in the snow together for the family calendar. We all layed on each other kinda in a pyramid type form. I layed mostly on Miles. My hat got pulled down over my eyes so you really couldn’t see me for most of it. I didn’t care about that though. The only thing i was worried about….i was getting a boner. Sorry Miles, but that wasn’t my knee in your…yeah…next. Gamed and stuff. Saved the world. Everybody slept safely that night.

Day 4 / Monday / – I slept in until 2 o’clock in the afternoon. I received about 11 to 12 hours of sleep again! I don’t get that much normally. I gamed again and stuff. Saved the world. You know, the usual. Everybody slept safely that night.

Day 5 / Tuesday / – On Tuesday I got up at about 5:30 in the morning. The reason for this is because I went to Unity Square with dad and Dan to go play basketball. My dad goes their before work and he meets some guys that he plays basketball and raquetball with so Dan and I wanted to go with him. I have to because I have gotten fat. I haven’t gained any weight, so that means my muscle is deteriorating and being replaced with fat. Its happening, I guess its an epidemic or something. Its sweeping the nation, worse than the Asian bird flu from what I hear. My mom is pretty sad but I’m kinda like, oh well, it happens. Sucks to be me. Thats why I made my current background that says “Sucks to be me” quote unquote. That way i won’t forget.
That night I went to an Ortonville basketball game where Ortonville won 76-73 i think. Both teams shot the lights out and played well. Great game to watch. Afterwards a bunch of us went to DQ to eat some ice-cream and gang bang and stuff. Chris was being a cock-block.

Day 6 / Wednesday / – Wednesday night, after gaming and saving the world, I took Peter Rausch home at about 2:30 in the morning. We ended up talking in his driveway until about 5:40 in the morning so I didn’t get to bed until about 6 in the morning. What we discussed was the answer to the ultimate question. What is the answer to life, the universe, and everything? We decided that life is a mystery, the universe is very big, and that everything else equals 42.

Day 7 / Thursday / -Friday night I went to watch Ortonville vs. Milbank where Milbank won handily. Ortonville was down by eight at the half, and then got blown out the rest of the way. The highlight of the game was at halftime when Bryce Rausch went out to shoot a 3 pointer for a dollar. The entire crowed started chanting “Bryce!Bryce!Bryce!” He got the ball, looked at the hoop, and then he looked at the crowed. He pumped the ball in the air with one hand getting the crowed even more worked up. He then looked directly at me and winked. I don’t know what that was all about, but everybody looked at me like I was some sort of god or something. He then looked at the rim with concentration, cocked the ball, and fired. Time slowed down, the crowed noise became part of the background, almost non-existent, as the ball, with its perferct backward rotation and arc, flew towards the rim. As it came down I and I alone saw Lord Voldemort burst through the gym doors and blast the ball with such a complex spell that no one else in the gym noticed the now awkward path of the ball. The moment I saw him I had pulled out my wand and pointed it him. I said a spell, but it had no effect. Actually, all I said was “Crap!”. It didn’t matter anyway cuz he had cursed the ball and had vanished before I had even opened my mouth. That Voldemort is good. If only Dumbledore had been there.a buck a ball

Needless to say, the ball bounced off the side of the rim, the crowd almost started rioting because they were so shocked they didn’t know what else to do, and Bryce was so heartbreaking he was crouched over on the ground, his arms covering his face. The only thing that stopped the crowed from doing some damage and throwing some screaming people was the players had returned to the court. Nobody had time to be angry or sad anymore, it was time to be vigilant and pay attention to the halftime shoot around.crying
After the game, a group of us talked for a while, deciding what we were going to do that night, and how me and a friend or two or however many are going to spend next week watching about 10-1000 movies. Goal 1-To watch all 6 star war movies. Goal 2- Watch other movies as approved later on. Goal 3- See goal 2.
After that little holding of council, me, Chris Smith, Tyler Rolfes, and Peter Rausch left to go to Miles’ and Bryce’s house. On the way to our car in the school parking lot we bombarded Chris’s GF’s car with snowballs. Showed her who’s boss.
Once we made it to the Rausch house we began saving the world. We had a AoM game of 5 on 4. It was the craziest battle of all time. It was me, Dan my brother, Tony Rolfes, and Tyler Rolfes vs. Bryce Rausch, Lindsey Nelson (Bryce’s GF), Chris, Miles, and Peter. The game last 3 hours and didn’t get done until 2:30 in the morning. My main mission was to maintain the walls. May not sound glamorous, but it isn’t. I am a wall/tower builder when called upon by friends and allies. Allies you might say are friends, but sometimes they aren’t. Some allies might think we’re friends, but we aren’t. I might be in a Allied relationship grudgingly because the other nation could kill me. My strategy is to win. If I can’t win, I have somebody get their queen pregnant through the internet so we have to be allies. So far I’m the only person who has gotten a girl pregnant over the internet on the first try. I did it at DSU, its pretty cool. That prolly makes me the best at it, but I refuse to do it anymore cuz that would be kind of like cheating on the mother of my child which undermines my nations values. Anyways….

Day 8 / Friday / – Got up at 5:30 in the morning to go play basketball again. Shot pretty well, drained some shots, struggled a bit from 3-point land. Missed every lay-up I took. I got home around 7 and then slept until 2. Then I got up and went to the Big Stone Gym and played basketball till 3-3:15. I was pretty hot for a while inside the arc. I continued to miss every lay-up and 3 pointer I shot. No one is suprised that I miss lay-ups. That is what I’m am renouned for. I then went home and kind of felt sick. I hadn’t eaten at all so I was feeling a bit shaky and weak so I ate some EZ mac. I took a shower, and then read Prey by Michael Crichton. I also napped in-between reading. The book is really good and interesting. I’m halfway through and i started it Thursday I think. At 8 I went to Kelsey’s (Chris’s GF) with Tyler, Chris Fellows and Dana(his GF). We watched Bewitched, and Chris and Amy Smith showed up at the end of the movie. From there Tyler, Chris, and I went to the Rausch house to begin the Save the World operation. The first thing I did was eat their supper. Saving the world takes energy so I needed to eat. Everybody except Peter was their and we had a 4 on 4 game where Dan, Chris, Miles, and I got wasted away. I mean, we weren’t drunk or anything, we got wasted as in killed. Like a rabbit being suffocated by millions of nanomytes. Suffocated dead.
So far break has been pretty wicked awsome and stuff. It is 3 in the morning and I have just been told right now it is Christmas Eve so I’m pretty pumped. That means Santa is coming tonite and I can’t wait to get my loot. I hope everybody has a Merry Christmas. I saved the world again tonite so you can all sleep in peace.

It is currently 3:01 at nite and I am currently not in my dorm room as I should be. I am currently in Emry in Sara Bethke’s room. The path that led me here is one big adventure. It all started tonite at 9 with the beginning of the hilariously funny Comedy Bytes performance. Many of you know Miles is in this group and he did a brilliant job posing as Rosa Parks, starting a rumor that Ben’s mom is a hoar, and he also gave birth to a child. Holli, another Comedy Bytes performer, also did a fantastic job. Oh yeah, Miles also developed a second penis as well. It was awsome!
I was like “That is my cousin!
The entire crowd “That guy? The one with the two penises?”
And I was like, “Heck yes he is the guy with 2 penises!”
After the show I ran over to Miles, shook his hand, and then I broke down crying in front of a ton of people over the birth of his baby. He gave birth on stage in front of everyone and it was pretty cool. I had never seen a guy give birth before so now I know what it will be like for me if I ever get pregnant.
Speaking of babies, I am going to be a dad. Me and one of my friends, Marci, decided we were going to have a baby so I got her pregnant over the internet. This high tech world is so cool. Didn’t know a girl could get pregnant over the internet, but we did it somehow. Only problem is she has a boyfriend, but since the baby has started baking already she can’t going to abort it. She doesn’t know how to rewrite the encryptions. I’ve been playing a lot of online poker so if I win enough play money chips I can support her and our newly concieved baby.
After Comedy Bytes me and a group of people went to the Higbie Hall and we were in Marci’s room when a scuffle broke out about me looking in her underwear drawer when all I was really doing was looking at movies. This then led to us people being scolded for being too loud 2x in 5 minutes. This outburst also led to the belief that girls put movies in their underwear drawer. Girls are so weird. Sucks to be them….about once a month for sure.
We then moved on to another hall which then led to us driving around the town listening to Disney Christmas music. I then went to Emry Hall where I played online poker(gotta support that new baby of mine) and played Sara in 2 games of backgammon, losing for the first time in about ever.
Well, i’ve gotten closer to making my sucks to be you sign. I made a sign for my msn picture and for my background. I just gotta make a really big one because I see or hear of people it sucks to be all the time. Maybe I should make t-shirts or something. Go mainstream with it. Try to sell it to the American people. They are suckers for anything. Its hard to believe they’ll spend money on some shirt with just a quote on it. I’ll overcharge for the t-shirts and Americans will buy it. It sucks to be them.

Last night I was writing this post when my browser froze up, so i’ll try to rewrite and relive the moment just for you.

I was talking to Tony when he asked me. “Do you have a lot of finals?”(or something like that cuz i can’t remember because the conversation was last night).
I replied,”I have no idea.”(or something like that cuz i can’t remember because the conversation was last night)
Then I thought to myself, “David, you should ask Caitlin because it is probably important to know how many finals and when your finals are?”(or something like that cuz i can’t remember because the conversation was last night).
Then I replied to myself within my head, “But David Rausch, you were in those same classes with her so you should know whats going down?”(or something like that cuz i can’t remember because the conversation was last night).
—————————————–Browser says “Screw You David!”————————————————
(I shall now finish what i never got to)

So I thought very very hard going back, back into the past.
Past the poker I played last night, getting bumped by some guy on the river, past the Chronicles of Narnia, past the TMNT movie I watched, going way back to each class.

I then realized that in 3 of my five classes we don’t actually have a final test, its more of an assignment that counts as a final. One of those finals is a group project we just started doing in art. Shiggity-Shiggity Shwa!

So my finals are totally under control and I’m sure I’ll pass them all with perfect scores without studying.
The funny thing is I put so much thought into my finals that I didn’t even think about looking to see if I had a listening quiz for this morning.
I walked into Music Appreciation baffled because people were sitting on the outside of the aisles(SP) of the auditorium-like-room. I was then told we had a listening quiz. Well, I regret to say I’m sure I bombed it.
Just like I bombed Heroshima and Nagasaki Japan back in WW2. That was almost as bad as Nam. Almost.
Sucks to be me.

I am testing the blog for Miles. He must have changed something that crazy guy.

Waaaaaazzzzzzaaaaaahhhhhh!
I have for the first time in my life, my own blog. I know what your thinking, how on earth did David get his own blog? Well, to answer your question i’ll have to type it. Miles gave me this blog of mine. I’m at his house and we’re about to eat some supper and watch some Naughty Nuns 9 but that it besides the point. Earlier when i first arrived, he asked me if i wanted my own blog and i said yes. It was as simple as that. I hope that whoever reads this will read other stuff that i write later on. We are about to eat some teryaki pork, mushroom, and broccali shishkabobs. We made a real mess getting everything on the shishkabob sticks what with the teryaki sauce and all. Oh yea, there are also pineapples involved in this holocaust roasting. We made several references to American Psycho(good movie) because how the sauce looked like blood on our hands. Well, the food is out so i’m going to go. Thanks for reading this and i hope you enjoy whatever part of the day it is for you.