March 2006


So i have this Biology lecture class where we learn about Mitosis, Meiosis, and other stuff we learned in grade school and high school.  Well, one day our teacher had us watch this hour long movie on the great adventure of the sperm on its way to make sweet love to the egg.

It actually first starts out with the egg and everything that it goes through.  All the tubes it rides down and where it eventually gets velcroed to some lining of some place.  That’s where its stuck until it’s flushed out if necessary.

When it’s not necessary to get flushed out it is being made sweet love to by a sperm.

Now, i learned that guys release about 200 to 500 million sperm into the female or whenever they release anything, if ya know what i mean.

Now sperm have little tails that allow them to swim around in their great quest for the great egg.  Some sperm are mutated sometimes being shaped irregularly or having two tails or things of that nature.  This  pretty much ensures that they aren’t going to get past the starting line in this race of life or nothing.

All sperm once inside the female begin to come under attack by the females overly protective molecules or something.  Her body doesn’t like sperm.

On the journey to the egg the sperm are met with currents that push them back, and many of the sperm get stuck on the narrow paths by swimming in to walls and such.

Then comes the last challenge of getting past the doorway leading to the golden egg.  This doorway is guarded by 2 chuck norris cells.  I’m guessing my sperm pulled a jacki-chan on them.

Only 40 t0 50 sperm actually make it to the outer layer of the egg.  Then they have to wiggle and wear away at the outer membrane of the egg where only one of the eggs will reach the egg and fertalize it.  When this happens it’s GAME OVER for the rest of the sperm.

Thinking about this and how it took one particular sperm out of 500 million and one particular egg out of however many a woman releases in her lifetime seems practically impossible that i would be here or any of us are here.  The trip the sperm takes and how only 50 actually make it to the egg make it seem impossible that the sperm that made me is the one that fertalized the egg.  When i think about it, it almost blows my mind. It’s seems almost like a miracle.

We are all so special.

So I’m on my way to Step with Caitlin and Jason, and my eye is just bugging the crap out of me.   My contacts are extremely dry cuz i’ve had them in for a few days and they are old anyways.  So we are walking up there and all i want to do is close my eyes, but when i do that it still hurts.

Its kind of like getting a paper cut and then to relieve the pain your gonna put a band-aid on it but that band-aid has lemon juice soaked into the cushiony part.  You wanna put it on and when you do it hurts more.  I can find no refuge from my pain.

Entering the building I felt like I was on the verge of tears trying every conceivable way of trying to fix the problem.

Some of the things i pulled out of my arsenal were: blinking, blink and hold for any amount of time, blink and hold while rolling the eyes around, looking down with my head tilted down and when that would hurt i’d pull a move and look up.  If all else failed I’d pull out the secret weapon: the finger.  No! I don’t flick myself off!HAHA!….idiots.

I bring my finger and on special occasions a couple fingers in a fist-like shape and rub my eyes.  I can do this while pulling any of the tricks listed as well.   I’m pretty good at giving tricks. (that’s what she said!)

All of the things I did only helped with one contact, the right one.  The left one was still going completely crazy.

On entering the aerobics room already 1/3 full, I almost thought the dam of tears was going to explode in a fury of water never before seen by man not brought on by God himself, but I saved the world once again by holding back.

Finally step started and the entire time i was blinking constantly, doing grapevines with one eye, the knee,kick, punch combos blinking uncontrollably.  All I wanted to do is take my contact out and throw it down on my step board and pull some wicked awsome step moves on it – like jumping up and down on it as hard as i can.  I would stomp on it with all my might to purge the world of its evil.  It may abuse me but i couldn’t let it abuse anybody else through its power of deception.  If your not understanding me, I want to squash it. And it is evil.
Contact lense? More like Ripoff lense!

Well, we reached the halfway point and after that all hell broke loose.

I tell you it was quite a sight.  Me, just standing there, as billions of demons came from everywhere.  They seemed to fill up the room with their evil essences.  Their breath was like a toxin to us and the world.  When all hope seemed lossed, there was suddenly a voice calling out from above, I believe it to be God, “With my super awsome wicked powers, I give you Captain Planet!”  The next thing I know I was flying through the air in spandex! And i was blue! I was so suprised.

Now that i think of it i shouldn’t have been suprised because who else would be better at saving the world than me, who saves the world from demons all the time in my off-time?

Anyways, i knew my mission right away. Get rid of the demons who were contaminating the world with their toxinous breathe.  Well, i did it.

After that i turned back into mild-mannered David, but I still had that darn left contact bugging the crap out of my eye.

We were stepping, and the next thing i know i can’t keep my eye open and my eyes are just filling with water.  While this is happening we are bouncing up and down and spinning and doing all this stuff and i’m having a hard time paying attention.  then i start feeling dizzy and really out of it.  At one point i thought i might fall over, so i just left the class and went to the bathroom.  My eye was red red red red so i took the contact out and washed it in warm water.  I put it back in and eventually ended up back to finish the rest of step.

Later that night at the Drama Club meeting it started up again.  I actually had tears running down my face.  Nobody seemed to notice and if they did they didn’t really care.  Either way it doesn’t really matter to me because i’m a mans man.

I went back to my dorm room and took them out right away and put them in with some multi-purpose solution.  They were better the next day.

game over.

Today during the afternoon my cousin Mathew, Micaela, Tpm, and I decided to play Harry Potter trivia.

Now, this game is kind of like trivial pursuit except you get 2 charm cards when you get an answer right or just one charm card if you use multiple choice(which can be used every question).  After you answer your question its the next players turn.  When you get 6 charm cards you enter your house room and then the person asking you questions can ask you any question on the card.

Now, i don’t mean to brag, but i think it’d be good for everybody to know that I have almost never lost at this game.  I’m probably about 60-2 overall so I went into this game feeling confident.

I remember back in my prime when I had read each harry potter book about 20 times I knew a ton of the questions.  I can tell now that my knowledge is significantly less and i sometimes struggle with pretty basic questions.

Today wasn’t so bad, many of my guesses were dead on and I quickly got to my 6 cards.  This may sound easy – getting to 6 cards –  but people can take your charm cards with spell cards you get when you pass over certain spaces or you can lose charm cards because of the curse cards you or others get if you get a question wrong.  I eventually was the first one into my room while on that same turn everybody else were in detention areas so they couldn’t move anywhere.

Micaela asked me the question “what invention did Hagrid make fun of when he and harry were on their way to diagon alley” – or something really close to that.

With the final question you don’t get the option of multiple choice so you have to relly on your mass amount HP wisdom.

After much pondering and fake wand waving I came up with the answer  “Parking meter”

was I right?

Heck yes I was!

When it was announced I had won once again shooting stars flew all over the sky and owls started swooping all around the house!  I couldnt’ believe it.  It was almost as if i had defeated Voldemort himself.  I felt like Harry Potter.  Except I had parents. And I didn’t have Ron *tear*sniffle sniffle*.

Well, once again, just like Harry Potter I defeated the odds and came out victorious.

Wella wella Boom-Baby!

As of right now I am sitting in my math class not really paying attention.  Everything I need to know is online so math class isn’t even necessary to go to.  Right now he is talking about cubic curves and watching for degrees to find something having to do with graphs.  We are talking about parabolas and we just learned a new word today.

Quartics – Do I know what it means?  He just explained it but I think I missed it.

I have math class with Bill and Caitlin and we all sit at the same table representing the Big Stone/ Bellingham peoples of the United States.

We have just moved on to doing example problems.  Now, normally I copy this stuff down, but not today because I forgot a writing utinsel and a notebook.  I have paper in my bag for other things, so i suppose i could take notes by bleeding my own blood on the paper, but i’m not down with that.

WWLD?  She’d probably ask somebody for a pencil.  That would mean talking to somebody, possibly making eye contact.   Besides, i would be interupting the teacher and I kind of like the guy so I don’t want to do that.  Screw asking for help.  I’m a man’s man.

I kind of sit by the board and his examples are coming closer and closer to me so i’m gonna go before i’m found out and he gets interested in what i’m doing.

I have secret things encoded in my DNA.  Like, I can tell when you are just full of it.

Other things that make me special are my inability to like salads or most pasta for the most part.  I’m no Chris when it comes to foods, no superhero, but i’m pretty gifted in my own right.  I do not care for most vegetables.  I’m a simple guy, and vegetables are simply gross for the most part.

I guess the school tells you that vegetables are healthy for you. They also teach Science. Molecules?  Vegetables? Healthy? Who cares.

I eat the same meal all day almost everyday.  Pizza, milk, yogurt, and possibly a bar for lunch.  Then for supper usually pizza, milk-now that lent has started, and maybe a yogurt.  I also tend to throw in cereal every now and then.  For the most part though, pizza,pizza,pizza.  I was told today in Wellness that eating the same thing everyday is very unhealthy.  Well, i’ve been doing it all year and i’m not dead yet so so far it’s a pretty sweet deal.

So yeah, vegetables and complex foods are gross and stuff.  If you ever ask me if i like vegetables i’ll tell you “No, but i ate a brownie once.” Carrots are pretty cool though.

So since you know about me and my view on vegetables/food, “How do you like me now!?”

Well, tomorrow i was supposed to get my wisdom teeth out, but not anymore. 

On Friday I got the start of a cold where I started coughing quite a bit.  Hurt my chest and throat. Transformed my voice to a lower manlier voice than i could ever hope for. This morning I woke up with the news that I was going to the doctor to make sure it would be alright for me to be put under.  Today was the first day where my nose was actually congested more than normal too.  Well, went in and talked to the doctor about stuff.  He checked my temp. and did all the norm stuff with colds.  I had to breath in deep for and him and stuff like that.  He then called the surgeon dude at Aberdeen to talk about my condition cuz it would be kind of bad if I started coughing and hacking up flem during an operation or if  couldn’t breath through my nose which is mandatory when being put under.  The surgeon would probably end up drilling a hole through my cheek if i coughed.

They decided I might as well wait until the summer to do it so that is what we are going to do. The doctor said i should start doing drugs to deal with my cold so I guess that was weird. 

How did i feel about all of this?  Well, I’m dissapointed because I’d like to get it done and I don’t think my cold is really gonna be that big of deal.  I don’t think the operation is going to be bad either so i’d just kind of like to get it over with, but oh well.  What can you do, ya know. 

Now, I have a Wednesday with nothing planned and nothing going on almost like everyday this week.  How do I combat this?  I try to sleep in as long as I can so it feels like i’ve slept half the day away.  I then putts around hoping something comes up, like tonite.  Caleb called inviting me over to the youth center.  Thank you Caleb!  We then played Gamecube whcih was a lot of fun, but I had to leave at ten because of my mom.  WWLD?  Destroy fun over a cold. Bah hummbug!  That’s what i say.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll wake up and I’ll be a superhero. That’s what i tell myself everynight.  But I wake up neither super nor a hero. Just tired….And just David. 

Sucks to be me.

 

About a month ago I was sitting at home with the family wondering what I should do. Several possibilities floated through my mind, some not cool, others not appropriate, some downright crazy.  I then thought about possible game possibilities.

Uno? Heck Yes!

Cribbage? Nah

Harry Potter Trivia? Nope. I always win.

WWLD?  Well, I can tell you i’m not sleeping.  that went in the “not cool” category stated above.  I can tell you i’m not putting make-up on.  That goes under the “not appropriate” category also found above. And i’m not going to go on the bike in the basement and watch Moonlighting while biking.  That goes under the “downright crazy” category also also found found above above.  WWLD? She’d do not cool, not appropriate, downright crazy things.

I decided to go with Uno since it was ranked Heck Yes in my mind.

I recruited two fellow players in Tom and Steph.  My bro and sis.

We went through 1 or 2 games rather quickly, then came the ultimate uno game of all-time.  I cannot explain to you how great this game was.  “SKIP”, “REVERSE”, “DRAW TWO”, “SKIP”, “WILD DRAW 4”, “REVERSE”.  I’ve never been in a card game that had made me sweat so profusely.  After a half an hour all of us had about 15-20 cards in our hands, glaring at eachother over the cards with death in our eyes and punishment in our hands.  At one point I had almost 20 cards and all of them were either blue or yellow.

After an hour of brutal punishment I had to go over to a friends house so we all called a Truce for now.  We kept our cards and hid them, and then put the rest of the uno deck way up so no one could touch it.

Three weeks later unable to stay away from the Uno game which was calling us, we returned to the table of torture.  Once again it started off with a fury my eyes have never before witnessed.    “SKIP”, “REVERSE”, “DRAW TWO”, “SKIP”, “WILD DRAW 4”, “REVERSE”.  However, this time, I had an ally.

Woe for Thomas.  Several times during the game Steph would ask “David, after me is it your turn?”

I would reply “Yes.”

Steph, “Oh, darn.  I have a card for Thomas.”

Then the little devil would smile and start giggling.  She’d lay a regular card down for me.

Me, I’d lay a “REVERSE”.  Then Tom would get the hammer, numerous times.

Eventually, I got “Uno!” 1 card left.

The the little devil- “David you didn’t say uno!”

Draw 2.

Then it happened again.

This time it was Thomas AND Steph reminding me.  Jerks.

Then we were all almost tied with 4-6 cards in each hand.  It was all going to come down to skill and how good we are at reading eachother.

Well, let me tell you, I can read an Uno player better than you can read a book.

Needless to say, I got down to one card Stating in a loud voice “UNO!”

I then laid down the winning card which ripped a hole in the fabric of the universe.

I won, and they, already home, stayed where they were and cried like little girls.  Steph cried like a little boy.  Pathetic.

After an hour and 30 minutes the Uno game was finally finished.

Game Over.