It's better than Hollywood, it's Mollywood

So confused!

22. May 2007 | Kategorie Uncategorized

About three or so weeks ago, Matt started acting different. He wasn’t very happy ever, and he kinda just closed up on me. Within those weeks, a lot has fallen apart. We have been going out for eight and a half months now, but I’m not sure how much longer we will go out. Here’s what happened…

I not really sure what happened, but something happened at school with some people that has got him depressed now. He doesn’t want to talk to me about it because he doesn’t want me to get involved. This is killing us however. He never want to hang out and when I talked to Fellows he told me not to worry and that he still likes me and that Matt just gets weird sometimes.

Well about a week or so ago, I went to one of his games and he totally blew me off. He would rather talk to everyone but me. Then once everyone left and it was just us, he went from happy to depressed. Every time we would chat, he’d get mad. Everything became my fault. I was telling him what to do, being inconsiderate and I guess to him I was just being a bad girlfriend. I tried to make him see the positive and I told him not to be so negative, but he’s like that’s just the way I am.

Then I read some of the songs he has written and they scare me. He has been writing songs about suicide and just with the whole personality change, it’s too much. I told him that his songs worry me, and he pulled one of those well if you don’t like my songs then you must not like the real me. I’m like no the real matt is the matt i have been dating for eight months not this new matt that has taken over.

Last Friday we did talk, we talked for a long time but nothing really got decided. He told me that I was mean before telling him that he was acting like a jerk (but he was, i was just frustrated and telling the truth!) and that he didn’t like that i didn’t like him and Candice being so close. (Annie tells me that she flirts with him all the time) I told him that i just didn’t appreciate them flirting. He told me that she starts it and that he doesn’t tell her to stop because he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings. I told him that if she was really his friend, she would understand. But he’s like whatever.

So today, we finally decided to break up. After being yelled at and fighting for a good two weeks, I finally gave up. He had been hinting at it for a while and it was me that was keeping us going. I just feel so bad, like i wasn’t helpful enough or something. I feel like i was a bad girlfriend, or not good enough. It’s so weird because a month ago, he seemed so mature and we seemed so good. Now he seems so young and almost immature and we are so over.

I don’t know what to do. I still really like him, and ending it was like dumping myself. Why does it have to be so unfair? Why can’t there just be no drama? I wish we could still be friends and that everything could be the same, but it never will be. I feel like I’ve not only lost Matt as a boyfriend, but also as a friend. He says he will still call and that he still wants to be friends, but he hardly called when we were going out, should i really be counting on that call? What do I do?

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