Archive for February, 2006
On Friday with everyone here, Dave, Chet, Tyler, Linds, and I went to Applebee’s. Ate my usual, had a beer, and rolled back to my place where we met the chicks. With the van packed we went to Bartley’s. There we found a very inebriated Bartley, topless, with smoke everywhere in his apartment, and he was home alone. We got a ping pong tournament going on and Bartley took a pretty big fall, which he couldn’t remember, then played David, who he couldn’t remember and didn’t remember playing ping pong…or cooking for that matter. In fact the next day when I asked if he remembered us being there he said, “you came for ping pong or something, right?”
Bartley informed us that there was about 1/4 of a bottle of whiskey left in this 1.75 bottle. On a dare/joke Bartley drank the rest. He was trashed. It was funny.
Then Michelle came and left with him, I was told to turn off the lights and have fun. I did.
I won. I was pretty drunk myself so I was pumped that I still dominated everyone’s asses. Hardcore style.
Then we went back to my place, watched an Arrested Development episode and bed time. The time was 3AM.
The next morning we all woke up by, at the latest 10AM. We all showered and Karin, David, Tyler, and I went to the match. I got in free. Must’ve had a coupon or something. And we watched…and watched…and watched. Left to eat, came back, and watched some more.
Everyone left eventually and Chet, Linds, and I chilled at my place. We watched So I Married an Axe Murderer. Which was funny as always. Then we watched some Dave Chappelle stand up comedy and drew dirty pictures on Schaef’s glass table. Good thing we were indoors so Jesus couldn’t see it from heaven.
Last night was actually pretty fun. Chet did some shots without using his hand, Koolaid-STRAIGHT! He did pass out, crazy guy.
Also, after the wrestling meet I go home to a number of clues. These clues were pieces of paper with messages on them.
- You shouldn’t leave you place unlocked (This is your warning)
- Someone could eat your cookies
- This note had cookie crumbs on it
- Someone could drink you Beer
- This was found in the fridge by Schaef’s beer
- Someone coudl look in your couch for lose change that you been meaning to collect
- Someone could play your nintendo and blow in it inpropery and wreak it
- Someone could have sex in your bed…think about it
- With my covers pulled back and everything
- Someone could steal things you just can’t replace
- This was by my K98 racquetball racquet, the 1970’s model, roughly the size of a ping pong paddle
- Maybe I pissed in your shampoo
- I found this one just before showering the next morning…and yes I did shampoo my hair
I left spelling errors as they were
I thought about the poor spelling and a conversation I had with one of my buddies, I had said, “I got this program that is supposed to strengthen your eyes and help you read faster” and he replied, “do you have one for spelling?”
So I was like, I wonder if he did it. . . checked an old postcard he had sent me and the handwriting was a match.
Then at church I see the guy and ask, “Hey, so I was wondering we found these…” and he quickly responds, “No, I didn’t leave those notes at your place” as he quickly turns to walk away.
Guilty.
Don’t mess with a dude dating a chick into Forensics. Cause I love Justice. And I love files.
February 26th, 2006
I’ll have to write this fast, but I wanted to get a post out there.
So On Sunday with Tyler still around and Chester and I at Linds’, Linds, chet, tyler, and myself watched the entire NASCAR race. Wow. I mean, it wasn’t bad, but I’m by no means a Nascar person and don’t know all the rules or techniques with racing, but it managed to keep my interest.
Also, Linds bought me a new basketball for Valentine’s day. It’s almost exactly like the one I had stolen and on this one I made sure to write, “Do not steal this ball, please”. So that way they will see I was polite about it and not steal it. Right?
Also, last night I spoke to the most angry and awful customer ever. Doug Nootz from Gretna, NE. What a dick. Here’s about how the conversation went:
Me: Hey this is Bryce calling from Schwan’s is Doug there?
Doug: Yes, how can I help you?
Me: Hey Doug how are you today?
Doug: Fine
Me: Well, that’s good. The reason I’m calling is because we missed you yesterday, now are we still stopping at a good times?
Doug: Yeah, that’s fine, we just must’ve missed you.
Me: Ok, that’s good. And it looks like we’re doing a special make-up service for you for next Wednesday, what can I make sure to have for you?
(This is when Doug get’s mad)
Doug: Uh, did you ask me if this was a good time to talk?
Me: OH! I’m sorry, I take it you’re pretty busy?
Doug: I am sitting here in my office with a customer and you don’t even care to ask if it’s a good time to talk??
Me: Oh, I’m sorry, it’s just that we normally call people at home, not to their businesses
Doug: I am at my home, I have an office at my home. I mean, how did I answer the phone!
(Note: We can’t hear how they answer the phone because our phone’s cut that part off, it’s to make sure we don’t get an answering machine)
Me: Oh… I don’t know, I didn’t hear.
Doug: No! How did I answer the phone!
Me: Um…hello?
Doug: No, I said ‘This is Doug at Doug’s air conditioning repair (or something like that), how can I help you?’
Me: Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t hear that because, I’ll just kind of explain how our phone’s work
Doug: I dont’ care how your phone works, I’m sure there’s a real good explanation. The fact is, BRYCE, that you didn’t even bother to ask if this was a good time to talk! You calling me just assuming I want something.
Me: I know, you have a very valid point and I’m very sorry
Doug: I mean, how dare you call me and assume you’re time is more important than mine!
Me: …
Doug: Now if you would’ve started this conversation being courteous I would’ve been courteous right back. But instead you were rude. You know that? And when you called this morning you were rude, too!
Me: …
Doug: I mean, if you’re going to be rude, I will be you’re worst nightmare, just ask the lady I spoke to this morning!
Me: Alright, sorry about everything, have a nice day.
Doug: bye
Man was I pissed. Ruined my whole hour right there I was so out of it.
Anyways, Dave, Tyler, Chet, Amy Jo, and Karin are all in town staying here tonight. And the memories we all make will be magical.
Linds refuses to cook for them after how awful of a review she got from Holli. Poor Lindsey.
This morning I took a test, lifted, went to class again, swam with linds, and then did homework all afternoon. I am ready for a beer.
February 24th, 2006
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February 22nd, 2006
Every week, or when the paper needs the space filler, I write an article for the Spur. I normally try to be funny. Here was this week’s article:
Note from sports editor: Olympics
Events like the skeleton and hockey illustrate why Olympians are crazy and tough as puck
By: Bryce Rausch
Issue date: 2/15/06 Section: Sports
I don’t claim to be the best sports editor in the history of Southwest Minnesota State University, that honor goes to Jake Strait, but I tend to follow sports with a passion. That is until it comes to the Olympics; well, the winter Olympics at least.With the greatest winter athletes in the world coming together in Turin, Italy I knew one athlete going in, Michelle Kwan. Which makes sense since figure skating is the number one watched sport of the winter Olympics. Kwan recently withdrew from the Olympics because of a groin injury and I devoted all my attention to the Jamaican bobsled team. There is no Jamaican bobsledding team this year so it looks like I can return my TiVo.
My point is, going into the Olympics who could name any athletes? There was that skier who admitted to skiing drunk, Bode Miller, who Tuesday Feb 14 was disqualified for straddling a slalom gate. I, like many others, feel that rule is a technicality at best and should be dealt with by a penalty, not a disqualification. I’m just joking by the way, I have no clue what that even means. But have you ever skied drunk? I’ll bet it’s extremely hard, and we should give Miller some credit.
One thing that the winter Olympics has over the summer Olympics is that athletes in the winter sports are crazy and tough. For example, if you see a hockey player you would think they just look like a redneck with a love for taffy, the reason they have just one tooth, but then they body check you and you quickly realize they could kill you. Then again I weigh 140 pounds, all muscle, so it doesn’t take much of a check for me to call you my daddy.
If you need another example of why winter Olympians are crazy and tough, look no further than the skeleton event. Athletes lie on a 75 pound sled going downhill at a top speed of 75 miles per hour. When I drive in Marshall at 75 mph I at least wear a seat belt, but not skeleton athletes. After nearly a mile of sliding downhill and around curves without dying , the winner normally comes in just a hundredth of a second faster than second and third place.
So if you have a death wish and Marshall isn’t enough excitement for you, start training for 2010 in Vancouver, Canada.
February 15th, 2006
Miles and Holli came to my town this weekend. It was incredible. I was really worried about Holli not having a good time but without a doubt I think she had one of the best times of her life this weekend. No really. I’m serious.
Friday I got back to my place after lifting and classing and took an online test, did some homework, and showered. I then ferociously cleaned the apartment. When the DSU’s came over I knew we’d be drinking and partying and was pretty sure being super clean wasn’t a necessity. Miles would show up trashed but would slowly sober up because he’s shy on drinking other people’s booze. Poor Miles. Scrapes got a new bed. I have tried it out and it makes my butt hole hurt. Get it?
Sorry Mom. Couldn’t resist a good gay joke. WWLD. She would go for the joke.
So Miles and Holli were late coming to my place, Linds and I ended up watching the first Arrested Development episode without them and watched the first 10 minutes of the 2nd of 4 without them as well. Linds laughed, she tried to hide it but Tobias is just too funny and one comment Linds made about George Michael was, “He’s too awkward”. Awesome.
Holli came in the apartment with a look like, finally I’m here at heaven. They sat down and everyone was starving, ordered a pizza, Holli got Katie to come over, and we laughed and laughed. And Lindsey and I drank. And Holli snuck booze in the bathroom. And Miles was sicker than I was. Sad. He was miserable all weekend. Dave posted that Miles was funny when he was in the BSC, he wasn’t very funny here, he was mostly sad and dying. Amazingly Holli had a good/great time though.
So we watched the rest of the Arrested Development episodes and then played DVD Trivial Pursuit, Lindsey and I versus the rest of them. Half way through the game they even got another teammate and they still fell to us. But I mean, what could they do? Linds and I are super awesome at that game. They were meant to lose.
After the game, so I wouldn’t influence the decision, I covered my eyes and flipped through the channels waiting for them to yell when they found something they wanted to watch. They wanted Full House I thought, ends up that was sarcasm and they didn’t know what they wanted to watch. I just kept drinking and turning the channel.
Day two I took the elated Holli and the belligerent Miles to the school for a tour that would rock their world. The library, student center, Spur office, and of course the locker room took like 2 hours to tour but Holli craved more and Miles craved drugs. A Wal-Mart trip later and sitting around for a few minutes and they were off to Katie’s while I went to Lindsey’s. We chilled, laughed, and made plans for the evening. Linds and I, mostly Linds, made lasagna, went to the Lick, and watched some Arrested Development, which Lindsey liked. Then Holli, with a grin that couldn’t be erased across her face, and Miles with red eyes and two bloody nostrils came back from Katie’s. We ate, watched Arrested Development, and went to the game.
The men lost to a team that shot over 50% from the field in the first half and had nearly a 20 point lead at half time. We got within 9 but lost the game. Two humorous things happened at the game, some punk 10 year old boy was like, “Take a picture of me” with the Spur camera, rolling my eyes I took it and said, “we’ll see if that makes the paper” and his eyes got HUGE and was says, “wow, that would be sooo cool.” No way in hell is that picture going to be in the paper. Later in the game he goes, “so my picture is really going to be in the newspaper?” and I go, “MAYBE, we’ll see.” He got Punk’d.
The other thing was at the end of the game I was just a couple feet from the court, standing on the ground with the Spur camera and this big black guy from Bemedji State gets the rebound, fouled, and screams “AHHHHHH”. I was like 10 feet from him. It was scary as hell. To take the edge off the crowd behind me then echoes. I just slowly turned around so he wouldn’t remember what I looked like so he could later rape and kill me. Rape and kill the boy, not me.
After the game we rented Red Eye after I made a list to better organize our thoughts. No one liked that idea, and really no one liked the movie. But surprisingly for a thriller it had a gag reel, though less that hilarious.
This morning we went to church, found Holli’s phone, which made her even happier that I thought possible, ate at Mike’s café where I put everyone though an interview, “Favorite class” “Most tragic news story you’ve ever heard” “Favorite Arrested Development Line”. Then Miles and Holli took off, Linds went to study, I played poker and won.
I think Holli had a great weekend. I’m pretty sure Linds is going to kill my some night while I sleep, just a vibe I’m getting, and Miles will never kick the cold and will die next week after the basketball game.
Thanks for the lasagna Linds.
February 12th, 2006
At work on Thursday I could barely think. I have embraced a hatred for my job. I had a lot of enthusiasm at first, dreams of making tons of money by making the executive team, getting hired on for a big raise, and just being cool because I was getting some experience that might improve a somewhat naked resume. Now I think of work as something I don’t want to do, I will take bathroom breaks even when I don’t have to go to the bathroom, I even passed time by taking a “Sweetheart” candy and crunching it into a powder with a needle. Sucks.
Thursday I was pumped cause that is my last work day of the week. Work got done and I think I just went over to Lindsey’s and hung out. But Friday I woke up pumped. I was going to take every dime of my $42 check and spend it on booze. I did. I had all but $1.05 gone by the time I left the lick and was feeling good. Then I just had to wait for Linds to come home from Sioux Falls and wait for my guests to arrive. While waiting Chester and I fixed my car, chilled at Rick’s, and chilled at my place. Seth showed up first, and then boom there were a bunch of people here. Rick’s entourage made a party at my pad. Then Jeff, Box, Tyler, and Ned showed up. Immediately Batman pointed out that Jeff was drinking a fag’s drink (some Starbucks coffee gross stuff) and I think everyone was creeped out by Batman. Which was exactly his goal.
Then the DSU’s went to the lick, came back and each had a beer, then we all went to the bar. HAHA. There beer ended up just sitting here for most of the weekend undrank. The bar was crazy. Why? Cause Chet and I went to pick up Linds at her place while everyone else went to Pappy’s. There was a $3 cover charge to get in and Rick, although having a full-time job passed it up and went straight to the Pub. Well, there was a lack of communication between Rick, Schaef, and the DSU’s. Rick had called me to say they were heading to the Pub. I was like, sure, we’ll meet you there. Remember, Chet drove so we have his Neon. Then as we were talking at Linds’ I get a call from Schaef saying what are they supposed to do now? I get the drunk bus number for them, they ride it to the bar. I get to the bar with Linds and Box shows up and kicks me in the testicles. I go down, not sure why I got hit and feeling like I want to throw up. Now as if its bad enough to get his in the balls, it’s at a bar so I’m like 2” away from the ground that is soaked with sweat, booze, and probably semen when I’m trying to catch my breath. Gross. I go and sit down, explain why it was wrong to have gotten me in my jewels, and Seth didn’t really get it cause he kept trying that night until he saw I was as paranoid as a mouse surrounded by cats after taking a hit of cocaine. So we finally got the message out that I did what I could and I hadn’t driven. We decide it is time to go, call Chet, he drives Linds and I to my place, Chet and I grab the van and fill it with how many people? 12. Wowzers, huh? We then ended up having an after party at my place. Tyler, some redhead kid I’ve never met before, threw up apparently all over Schaef’s bathroom. Which Schaef wasn’t very happy with cause he didn’t clean up his mess apparently. Silly boy.
Day ends
Around 8:30AM from the street I can hear Batman coming up laughing and then in comes everyone asking if people feel like a casino trip. I don’t, but can’t get back to sleep. That’s right, after going to sleep around 3AM I’m awake by 8:30AM. Ouch for a Saturday. Linds’ plan was to party it up at Angie’s around noon and I was just going to chill with Chet. I get a call from Josh Scholten saying I should come over to his girlfriends. I head over, play some drinking games, see a kid almost get his head shaved, see multiple men in skanky bikinis, but more importantly see the cops. They busted the place and worst part yet I got another minor. No, I wouldn’t have gotten one if I was under 21, they said, “we’re not going to check ID’s just get out of here”. Talk about pissing me off. I’m 21 BITCH! CARD ME!
Head home, call Chet, chill at my place, go to Angie’s to get Linds and hang out, and see some trashed people. The guys at that party had a rule, if you were a guy at that party you had to get a bare-backed slap. Well, the kid that did mine sucked, he slipped up and only got my back with his fingers so it barely left a mark. He had a frickin’ scar like mark on his while mine was like someone slapping a baby. That made no sense but can you picture if someone had their baby boy there and everyone was like, “let’s slap that thing!”
Leave, game time, see the end of the girls game, Linds is trashed, we don’t see a single second of the men’s game. Linds must go home. She didn’t get sick but she was blind. She said she couldn’t see. I’ve heard of seeing double but going blind is weird. Explains Ray Charles and Blind Debbie though.
I take Linds home and end up in bed by 9:30PM Hawaiian Night, probably before the game is even over, sober. But at 4:30AM when I woke up wide awake, that was cool cause it’s like, wow, I’m refreshed, wait, it’s ungodly early.
Day Over.
Sunday woke up and went to church, went back to my place and around 3pm Linds came over and made my clean my apartment. That sucked, especially because it turns out someone pissed all over my wall and floor of my bathroom. GROSS. Had to scrub it by hand, even grosser. But my apartment is pretty damn clean. Linds made some really good tacos, some not so good cheese dip, and probably some good lil smokies. I didn’t have any cause I don’t like em. We watched the Superbowl, we as in Chet, Linds, Schaef, and I. It was a pretty decent game.
Other highlights of the weekend were the pyro tendencies of Chet and Schaef using Axe body spray as a blow torth. Also Bartley stopped by Sunday, he had been gone to Florida all week, and it’s not even spring break, he just left. Luckyyyy.
I think this is a pretty long post, not particularly funny but that was my weekend.
Next weekend, Miles and Holly storm Marshall. Weekend after that basketball game at SDSU. And weekend after that Dan Rausch in Marshall.
Crazy.
February 7th, 2006