~Ghetto Bill~

I Heart Minnesota

It has been over a month since i posted so i figured i better post again. I will just fill you in on the last week because that has been the most interesting part in a long while. The fun started on Saturday. I was sitting in my room getting ready to go upstairs and watch some NCAA basketball when all of the sudden someone jumped into my room and yelled at me. After my natural reflex of taking a stranger who surprises me down to the ground and pummeling them a few times…i to a look at his face to find it was Dan Larson…Some of you know him as “dirty dan”, others know him as “touchdown dan” and still others as “downtown dan.” I helped him up off the ground and he told me that he was gonna stay at our house till the Zeringer Twins stoped killing hobos. They ended up coming to my house about 8 hours later and reported that they had killed 3 hobos and one hooker that they thought was a hobo at first.

Tuesday came around and my parents came down to minneapolis. They brought Aaron and I to the Twins game and we got some really good seats. I am so happy that baseball season is back so i can start using all of the nicknames we created last year for almost every player again. If you have any really good ideas, help is sometimes welcomed. So far the list looks like:
Luis Castillo
Nick Punto: The Big Toe
Joe Maeur
Michael Cuddyer: God’s gift to man
Justin Mornaeu: Mo diggity (sung to the lyrics of No Diggity)
Torri Hunter
Rondell White: The sweetest swing in baseball
Jason Kubel: Useless 😉
Jason Bartlett:
Mike Redman: Mashin Mike
Jason Tyner: Ultimate Warrior

The Twins won the game and there was much celebration. After the game we dropped off Aaron and went to applebees for appetizers. Again neither Bryce nor Lindsey were working…I’m beginning to question if they even work at Applebees. But the day took a big turn when we got our waitress. Turns out we got to sit at a table served by “the crazy waitress” A select group of people should remember her being the person who seemed like she was on crack and kept touching Dan as she passed. Those of you that read this and rember her should feel special.

Today my parents, nick, and I went to watch the Wild at the Excel. I had never been to a hockey game before so it was quite an experience. I didnt even like hockey before this year and now i find myself paradoxicly in love with it. We sat in the very highest row and it was still was a very good view. The wild scored early and often and came out winning 3-0. After the game there was much celebration. I can’t wait for playoffs to start. (Darn you Sioux for ending the Gopher’s run)

I spose since there is all this celebrating going on, i should take time out to celebrate my winning of two ESIP awards as well as our college basketball bracket.

One Fruity guy to lady: “and they’re like your titties, shove em in there and boom lift and seperated.”
-overheard outside McDonald’s

Overheard in Minneapolis

So maybe i am stealing the idea of this post from the blog Overheard in New York. If Tony can steal ideas, so can I. Its in the Rolfes blood i think. Anyway, these are some of the interesting things that i have randomly overheard people saying in the last few weeks. I will try to put a couple more up with every following post. But here are a few for starters to help everyone get used to the concept.

Nerdy guy arguing with friend: Well, you have to admit PSP is just a watered down version of the PS2, on the other hand the DS has original games…
— In Spanish Hall

Guy: I just had one helluva day of classes, im gonna go home and do some herbal relaxation if you know what I mean…you wanna come over?
— 3 Bus

Proffesor: Whenever you here “dun nah…dun nah..dun nah..duh nah duh nah” you know I big F**kn shark is comin”
— During Cinema class

Hot girl: So I went down to Scheeks downtown..its a stripclub..so I went in and asked how to apply for a job and they told me that I could start whenever I wanted…and you get payed like a hundred bucks a night…yeah and all you have to do is take your clothes off for guys.
— Coffman Student Center

Professor: You gotta put a dinosaur next to a volcano because dinosaurs are just too cool for words.
— Geology and Cinema lecture

Hope you enjoyed them because i know i giggled after i heard each one. Peace out!

Dear Jon Karels and Dan Larson,

You two are the punks that stole the subwoofers from my vehicle and i know it. Don’t even try to deny it because i know you did and sold them on Ebay you jerks. But the real reason i mentioned those two individuals is because i have recently become aware of the fact that they both read my blog. Jon told me himself that he read David and my blogs and my roomate Amanda informed me that Dan “Dirty” Larson ( the name all the thugs in ortonville know him by ) also read my blog. This came as a great surprise to me because a) i thought only the people i write about read my blog and b) i never write about them. Maybe those two points are similar but you know what a mean. Help a brother out and draw you own conclusion, im to busy to always be holding your hand. To make a long story even longer, i ask these people to actually leave a comment sometime so i know that you are reading my blog. Lets pretend this is some fake facebook group and i will donate 10 dollars to my favorite charity for every ten different people who comment on my blog. ( nothing like whoring yourself out for comments )

But as I told you guys last time which was about a month ago, I attended a performance called “Dance Revolutions” It was not at all what i had imagined. It was very very modern dances and for a few of the acts im not sure how anyone would consider what they were doing would be called dancing. It was alot more like rythmic walking. The second act was very entertaining though. It was the only happy song people danced to and was well recieved. Another notable thing came during the first dance. There were three gentlemen that decided to wear very short dresses during the dance and i think they probably got there by accident. They were all over each other on the stage and it was fairly creepy in a hot sort of way. The highlight of the night came after the performance when Karin and I were waiting for a ride. One of the dancers from the best dance was showing his little brother how to break dance. I dont mean a Chris Smith version of breakdancing, this guy was really good at it.

David wrote about last weekend, cept i will give a little information about the Frank Caliendo show. Mike Lopez opened for Frank and he was quite funny. He was no Seinfeld but he had some humorous observational jokes. Then Frank came on and did his same routine i have seen him do for about the last three years. The only additions i noticed where of Yoda and Kermit the frog. But the guy one seat in front of us was being a D-bag and actually Heckling Frank during the show. This wasnt a small comedy club, this was the Orpheum, a couple thousand people. the man in front of us yelled “do something funny” during his muppets bit and Frank responded by absolutely burning the guy. It was quite funny how he handled the heckler. But shortly after that he said he forgot the rest of his routine and it was over. I think the jackass in front of me cost me about 20 more minutes of comedy so that sucked. But it was a fun time overall anyway.

Pics from the Gopher v. Buckeye game

Dominating the Nex-Gen Market

Its not Nintendo that dominating the Nex-Gen console market, its me. As of January 29th, i became the proud owner of a Playstation 3, thats right, now i own a PS3 and a Nintendo Wii. I saw how everyone else was buying PS2s and I got jealous and got a fever that could only be solved by BluRay discs. The graphics are remarkable, the PS3 puts out video at 720p….The Wii puts out video at 480i. For those who arent technical savy, putting out “Progressive” video (or p) is much better than “interlaced” (or i)… so the PS3 puts out like Bryce after you give him a couple drinks of Southern Comfort. I talked Nick into buying Kiss Kiss Bang Bang on BluRay and the movie was amazing. Val Killmer and Robert Downy Junior (or RDJ as i like to call him) were a hillarious team, and the high definition video made it that much more enjoyable. I also got Talladega Nights free with the PS3 so i now have the regular DVD and the BluRay of it…thats almost a Will Ferrell overload people.

The plan for the rest of the week is to slack off in all of my classes like normal and do very little work, with still expecting to get a 3.0. Then Saturday i will be going to “Dance Revolutions” with Karin Anderson. That should be really interesting and I will be sure to post about it soon. To all, I bid adieu

Short Story

I wrote the following story for my English Literature class last semester. It may kind of be cheating using this as a post but i have nothing new to say and just like how the story turned out. I give it to you all to enjoy:

Blast From the Past

Monday had come too soon for Darrel. He woke with a jolt at six o’clock as his alarm buzzed. The throbbing headache he felt as he sat up from his resting spot on the living room couch came from a weekend of partying. Darrel promised himself he would not drink to get drunk anymore, but the birthday celebration that lasted the entire weekend seemed like a good time to break that rule just one more time. Standing up slowly, he drudged around the room looking for his shoes and jacket. After finding the misplaced clothes, he stepped outside into the cold November air to smoke a cigarette. The chill made his breathes even shorter as he quickly puffed the last of the cigarette. A long hot shower seemed like a great idea, so he hobbled his way up the staircase to the bathroom.

Darrel had walked with a limp for the past two years, and this decreased the speed with which he could get around. He had been in a severe car accident while driving impaired by alcohol and marijuana in his home town of Champagne, Illinois. A piece of metal pierced his right leg resulting in nerve damage, causing the limp he now walks with. While serving the jail time he received from the incident, Darrel decided to turn his life around. He knew that he would only get into more trouble if he continued to sell drugs for a living. He owed several people money in the drug rings but knew he could not afford to pay them back and had to leave to start a new life with a real job. Shortly after being released from jail, he moved to this house in Minneapolis with some of his old friends. They were willing to give a second chance and help him in finding a stable job. His friend Rick knew he had a passion for cooking and helped secure him a job at a restaurant downtown.

At seven o’clock, it was time to head out the door to catch a bus for work. Darrel grabbed his wheelchair and rolled to the corner. The limp was not severe enough to force him to use a wheelchair, but a reduced bus fair seemed like a great idea at the time. He sat shivering at the stop for a good ten minutes before the bus arrived to bring him downtown. It was eight by the time he rolled down Sixth Street to the front doors of the restaurant. Darrel was not scheduled to arrive at work until nine, but he always showed up at least an hour early. He had figured he had nothing better to do with his time anyway and work kept him out of trouble. Besides, cooking was the one thing that he loved and to him it was time well spent.

Darrel went through the customary routine of preparing some basic foods before the restaurant opened for the day. He was in charge of mashing all of the potatoes that would be used during lunch, as well as preparing the salad dressings for the dinner crowd. He was the most meticulous chef in the kitchen and always finished his list of chores before the others had finished half of theirs. He was content with his position in the restaurant and never anticipated the promotion he was about to receive that day.

The restaurant’s manager walked into the kitchen and scanned the area for Darrel. When he saw him by the fryers he yelled, “Darrel, can I get you to come into the office for a minute.” Darrel nodded and followed his manager Alex into the main office. Alex told Darrel how much he admired his commitment to his job and offered him the position of head chef on the staff. Dumfounded, Darrel could only mumble, “Ugh, yeah, I can handle that.” After Alex explained the new responsibilities to Darrel, he left the office feeling a great sense of pride. At 22, he would be the youngest head chef in the restaurants illustrious history. The rest of the shift seemed to fly by as the thoughts of being a head chef raced around in his head. Five o’clock came and he was free to go home and enjoy the rest of the day.

He did not use his wheelchair to get home; the promotion he received made him forget all of his slight pains. For the second time in less than a year he felt like a brand new man. When he walked up his porch steps and opened his front door, he yelled Rick’s name in hopes that Rick was home so he could share the great news with his buddy. Rick, though, was at class and the only person Darrel saw in the house was a thirty something old man sitting on the living room couch. The man had a rough beard and was wearing a leather overcoat with dark slacks. Darrel immediately said, “Ahh, who the hell are you?” The man replied. “My name is not important Darrel. What is important is that you owe my boss Victor a great sum of money.” Bewildered Darrel told the nameless man, “I have no idea what you are talking about man.” The man then exclaimed, “You know very well why I am here Darrel!” Darrel then realized exactly what that man had come to his house to do. Back in Illinois, he had seen dealers like himself get into deep shit when they did not pay the boss and Darrel knew he was in those same shoes at that very moment. He had all of two seconds to decide how he was going to approach this man who had come to collect the owed money. Darrel swiftly turned around on his heels and fled towards the front door. That is when the nameless man reached into his coat pocket and pulled out the pistol that would drop Darrel dead in his tracks.

Guess who’s back…. give up? its me silly!!

So i got bored and decided to write another post…freaking sue me why don’t cha! I was thinking about how much I love everyone and wanted to let them know what i was doing with my life, or i get really bored some nights and just want to ramble some more, you choose which reason i’m back. Its like a choose your own adventure. Anyway, im back because i know the world needs me. I feel like bragging about my last trip to the Target Center to see the Timberwolves play the Pistons. It was Randy Foye bobblehead night after all. Now that i have his bobblehead he is destined to be traded or released within the next two years ala AJ Pierzynski and Doug Mientkewisz, or however you spell his name. I left my house at 5 o’clock to meet Aaron Z at the game, an hour later, i finally got to the front doors to meet up with Aaron. We decided to go to the tunnel of the T-wolves before the game and at halftime to get some high fives and the Pistons after the game. I think it is safe to say I touched alot of guys hands:
Mark Blount
Ricky Davis
Troy Hudson
Mike James
Marko Jaric x 2
Mark Madsen x 2
Rashad McCants
Craig Smith
Bracey Wright
Chauncey Billups

The two most intriguing where those of Rashad and Chauncey. Rashad was walking in slowly at half time (cuz he has a knee injury) and kind of stuck out his hand for people to slap…well, there werent many of us down there and we were spaced out pretty well. Se his hand was moving pretty slow, so instead of just slapping it i thought i would try to shake it…that was great in theory…what happened is i kinda grabbed his hand and held onto it for a good three seconds. It was really awkward for me and him i’m sure…we had a moment. The Chauncey hand slap took place after the Twolves lost in 2OT and Chauncey pretty much single handidly beat the Twolves in the second overtime, so i touched the magic hand if you will. After the game Aaron and I happened to walk by the Twolves exit as Bracey Wright was leaving, we got him to sign the box our bobbleheads were in. But every other player left in a nice car and he just started walking downtown, so i think he might have went to a club afterwards.

College is ok, got some classes that will be interesting, yet boring. Journalism, Intro to Cinema, Cinema and Geology and La clase de el Diablo. I’m whoring out my body at the plasma center for a lil extra cash to buy DVDs and stuff for my Wii. But besides that, boring college life. Congrats to all those engaged (namely Miles and Holli) I believe Fellows is on the list of people to propose next, so good luck to him. I will see you all again later….soon


As of today, the 13th of October, I am officialy announcing my retirement from the blogging world. I have posted 20 times in my short career as a blogger and feel it is now time for me to step aside and let the young guns take over the blogging community. Some of you youngins may be asking your parents “But why mommy? why is he retiring so young?”, well kids, it has to do with the fact that it takes too much time and thought to try to write a witty post for a mere 5 readers. That and the sudden onset of juvenile arthritis in both my index and middle fingers makes it a struggle to type these days. I want to thank my coach though, Mr. Miles Rausch has been a great mentor and a father figure to me during my blogging career. And I couldn’t have had as much sucess as i have without the help of my fellow bloggers or “teamates” in this cruel cruel game. I want to thank David Rausch, Chris Smith, Tony Rolfes, and Bryce Rausch for sticking with me all these posts, you guys mean the world to me and i couldn’t have asked for better teamates….or better friends for that matter! I am 99.9% sure this will be the last post by the infamous Ghetto Bill, so remmeber to stay classy Minneapolis. And as always, Im the juggernaut, bitch.


I wanna see who will comment on this post to see who actually reads my blog even, to see if there is any point in using my time to post stuff noone reads.

the video

The video finally uploaded so here it is.

Concerts i’m going to:
9/27: Gym Glass Heroes, along with Cobra Starship
11/01: The Hush Sound
11/24: Panic! at the disco, with Jacks Mannequin
12/16: All American Rejects, with Gym Class Heroes

Back to Blogging

So I haven’t blogged in a very long time, the entire summer in fact. It is a new semester, new school year, new classes, new house, new roomates, new everything..so it is probably time to get you guys caught up on my college world. I am now share a duplex with Amanda Schmidt, Nick Stolpman, and Dan “Darrel” Roe. The house has three levels and i live in the basement. I have by far the smallest room, but its very comfortable. With school just starting ive been trying to study and prep myself for my classes i have so i dont fall behind with grades early. This hasn’t given me much time to go out and enjoy minneapolis. I miss the raping and mugging on nearly every street corner downtown. Nick, Amanda and I were able to make it to a Twins game before classes actually started. The Twins took on the Royals and it was interesting for a while. But the Royals took the lead and it looked like the Twins couldnt come back so the fans were pretty mellow. Then the best site in the world happened…I man (probably a college student) leaped onto the field and ran around for a while being chased by security. The entire crowd stood up and cheered on the fan, for this was the most exciting thing all night. If you dont believe me, watch the video i took!! After the fan was subdoed, nick turned to me and said that was well worth his three dollars. I got to hang out at a house my former neighbors in the dorm own a few times during the week as well. I got Nick hooked on arrested developement and we watched season two within about five days, we will start on season three shortly. That is about all that has happened here, i missed all the labor day fun. Chet and Fellows will be up here for the Twins game tomorrow, but thats it for now