Manchester Owed Them Money

Be careful who you make friends with. If your mouth writes checks that your wallet can’t cash, there will be problems. You might anger the wrong people – people with connections. I’m pretty sure that this is the story behind last night’s unbridled fury.

It stormed like Noah was back. The weather started for me at around 8:00pm. You may read news reports of it starting at 5:30pm, but who are you going to believe? You’re at MY website, after all. I think that answers it. Okay. Jeff and Brandon and I were watching the keynote speaker at this year’s WWDC, which is “mac” for Major Geek Party.

I have to admit, though, that a lot of the things Apple unveiled in its new operating system are very very cool. The coolest, I believe, is the fast user switching that they have implemented. That Apple, always making PCs look stupid. At least this time PCs did it first.

We watched this and decided to take a break. A look outside told us that perhaps the weather was growing threatening. It looked fine, so we didn’t bother getting worried. I walked to the kitchen, got some Kool Aid (which we had just boughten), and walked back to the door. It was completely dark outside. I made up my mind; I was going to play guitar in this. I had to. I go to Jeff’s computer and start looking up tabs for a song by The*Ataris called “My Hotel Year” when I heard something. They mostly use it as a lunch bell, but I guess if it’s 8:00 at night they call it a “tornado alarm.”

Jeff wanted to go in the basement. “What??” I say. “No way. See? There – it stopped. The tornado went to Colman. We’re fine, now come outside and hold up this tab sheet for me.” Jeff was less than willing, but Brandon did it. My first song for the night was “Climbing Up The Walls” by Radiohead which happens to be one of my favorites. I do not, however, know the lyrics very well, nor does Jeff.

I played several other numbers as the night wore on. The children across the street were making suggestions but I hadn’t heard of those songs. It was hard to hear their danty voices over the lull of the storm, so I finally gave up and started playing “Butterfly” by Weezer, then “Black Star” by Radiohead. The rain came up. I was getting wet, and I played “Black Star” for a while. I love that song, but the lyrics escape me, too. Then I played “Out of Reach” by The Get Up Kids but Jeff had gone back inside (and so did Brandon) so that was a solo
number. My closing song, after getting very wet, was “Glycerine” by Bush. I found it very fitting. Bush had done a rendition of Glycerine at MTV Spring Break (was it 95?) while it started to storm. They continued playing despite the sparks, the cold rain, and the technical problems.

I went in, soaking and cold, and changed clothes. Then we got to watch the storm on TV. Those guys are funny. They sit in their studio in Sioux Falls and send the new kids out on the road. One girl, Amanda Spicer was standing in Howard. It was raining very hard, she had on her mac, but it didn’t help, and she was talking to two meteorologists (weather guys) who had been out filming storms. They got some hot Tornado on Tornado action, let me tell you.

The one guy had a suit and glasses. He looked like a geek (and a weather geek at that) and the other guy looked like the thought of rain touching his hair caused him to loose bladder control. He seemed way too jumpy when the lightening went off. He touched his hair a lot, because he had been standing in pouring rain for the entire afternoon and was sure the gel was washed away – another poisoned water source. The footage they showed was shot looking at a town called Manchester.

Manchester is a small town. There are about 20 people who live in this east central villiage. Last night they were visited by a tornado. This tornado touched down outside the metropolis and then waged it’s war over it. The tornado crossed over the entire town. Then, we you’d think the town had had enough, the tornado goes back. Back and forth the tornado went, crossing over and over the ravaged dwelling. “There was no stopping him,” said one witness. “He was a mad… man.” After throttling Manchester, the tornado apparently took off his helmet, threw it to the ground, and said, “You got somethin’ to say?!” The tornado was thrown out of the game for unsportsmanlike conduct and faces fines of up to $2,000.

The second girl on patrole was Anna Peters, but I don’t remember where she was at. She might have had to call in her report, so she could have been making everything up. She could have been having coffee at Barns and Noble going, “Everyone – quiet down. I have to pretend I’m in the storm,” and she’d have someone next to her making wind noises. To further the illusion, she says that a local resident got her these photos of the damage. Nice story, Anna. I don’t believe it, though.

The last girl was Jolene Loetscher and despite her hard-to-spell name and picture, she’s actually really cute. The anchors inside the studio were trying to find her.

“Jolene, are you there? She might be talking to us by phone. Jolene, where are you?”

“I’m here. Don, I’m here.”

“Where are you?”

“Uh, right outside the studio.”

“Oh. Well, what’s going on there.”

“Well, it’s raining. There’s water and lightening and I’m cold. Can I come in?”

“What is that behind you?”

“What? The buildings? Or the Keloland sign? This is ridiculous. Why don’t you come out here and report? Too lazy to walk to the door?”

“Don’t back sass me, girl. You’re a rookie. We have to break you in.”

There was a pause. “The weather outside the Keloland studio is relatively calm… for now.”

“Excellent. We’ll check back with you later.”

The night had begun to wind down, though. Anna had less wind noise. Amanda was still soaking and miserable, hanging with the weather geeks. Jolene was looking pretty sexy being all wet, but I’m glad that she was near the door. All in all, no one was hurt (except one guy) and nothing was damaged (except Manchester, Mt. Vernon, Centerville, and Woonsocket). I learned something this night; I will probably watch Keloland TV more often.