Friday Fun: Yelp Review

Update: Bryce won. Read his entry.

Have a Yelp account, plan on eating out today, and want to have some fun? Well, you’re uniquely suited to play Friday Fun: Yelp Review!

The rules:

  1. Have a lovely meal out, but it must happen today
  2. Make or sign in to your Yelp account
  3. Write the funniest or most creative review you can before midnight in your timezone
  4. Leave a comment on this blog post with a link to your review sometime this weekend
  5. Repeat 1 – 4, if you want
  6. Come back on Monday to vote
If you win:
  • FAME
  • FORTUNE (in the form of ADDITONAL FAME)
  • A whole bunch of losers will post links to your review (see FAME and FORTUNE above)
If you lose:
  • You must post a link to the winning review on your social media with the explanation, “My Yelp review wasn’t as funny as this!”

I’ll put up a PollDaddy poll by Monday morning, I’ll leave it open for a couple days, and then announce the winner NEXT FRIDAY! Want an example? Check out Christopher Miles’s review of The Patriot Saloon.

And, have fun!

2 Replies to “Friday Fun: Yelp Review”


    The Velvet Tango Room, or VTR for those In-The-Know (like I be), is one of the best damn bars in Cleveland and earns 5-stars for music, drinks, and the setting-individually. So, I actually give this place 15-stars #humblebrag

    When a buddy of mine, a VTR regular, suggested we go to the “Velvet Tango Room”, not knowing it was a martini bar, I thought for sure I was going home with glitter and spray-tan clinging to every fiber of my clothes and the night would end with vases being thrown and divorce papers being signed. (Side note: we only have one vase and it was a wedding present). I’d say the only attribute which earns the VTR less than 5-stars is the surrounding neighborhood which, if I was ever in a shoeless bind but I happen to have my trusty 40-foot ladder nearby I could win the “Random Shoe Lottery” played at any of the local power lines.

    When I entered the VTR it lacked (but I didn’t miss) the clientele I was used to from other bars I frequent. In place of the local crazy person who never sits down and shakes everyones hand while walking out, just to return mere moments later to scream at everyone there was a row of friendly middle-aged couples wearing business suits; in place of the usual table of bikers who have given up on life’s ambitions after their 3rd and 4th DUI’s, at the VTR you find a group of 30-something men, also wearing suits, laughing about the money they’re making (like over $10/hour!!); and in place of the 60-year old woman with the undesirably low-cut shirt putting quarters in a jukebox to listen to music nobody cares about, in the corner there’s a live jazz band that immediately makes you feel cool and realize you have an old soul, requesting Dave Brubeck.

    Barring the convulsion you may feel to vodka because of your college drinking days, now even a whiff kills the strongest of buzzes, it is IMPOSSIBLE to order a bad drink at the VTR. Everything is homemade, fresh, and tasty. To say you feel first-class while drinking at the VTR is an understatement.

    To prove my point I found myself in the following conversations during my first visit at the VTR:
    1. Never flying commercial. Because why would you ever want to sit with poor people while you partake in the miracle of flight? Eck #ammirite
    2. Yachts: Spellcheck is the only reason I know how to spell that word, for those unfamiliar it’s a boat for rich people that sinks less than poor people boats.
    3. Shopping in Dubai: I always imagined shopping in Dubai was: “What kind of sand/ oil do you want”, turns out it’s more like: “Sir, will you want a diamond jacket with your dragon skin shirt? Because we actually found a dragon, which is super rare, killed it, and made a sweet shirt out of it? Diamond jackets go perfect with it.”
    Well, regardless, I felt like the 1% for one night, thank you VTR.

    Bottom line: the band was awesome and they’re the best martinis in the city. Nuff’Said.

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